In memory of the fallen
by 4Eirlys
Summary: It is 5 years been since Merlin's beloved Freya died in his arms and Merlin is on a hunting trip when the day befalls him. Arthur and the knights become suspicious and are determined to uncover Merlin's secrets. All of them. Freylin! Bromance! Lancelot and Merlin, (uh Lancelin? Merlot?)
1. My lady of the lake

**This is my first fan fiction, and it is dedicated to my Granddad who had his birthday here today. He died on the 23rd of July 2013, after suffering from cancer since 2006. He always told me to be what I wanted to be and work hard. I love you Granddad with all my heart. Happy Birthday**

**Chapter One - My Lady of the Lake**

Merlin's POV

_"I'm Merlin, by the way," he said softly._

_She shivered and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "I'm Freya." Smiling, Merlin draped his jacket over her shoulders and the scene swirled again. "Freya," he whispered, the first time he had ever said her name..._

_"But you're upset," he pressed._

_She continued denying it, trying to hide the dried tear tracks down her face. "Did you think I wasn't coming?" Merlin observed. Freya tried to smile._

_"I scare most people away."_

_"I'm not most people." _

_Merlin gave out a shaky laugh at that. His dream self was right, he wasn't most people, and he would suffer for eternity with that knowledge. The scene swirled again faster and faster now, more memories presenting themselves._

_Merlin persuading Freya he'd smuggle her out of Camelot. She tried to refuse, telling him how dangerous it is, with the warlock eagerly announcing he'd promised he'd look after her, so he'd come with her. Her smile as they talked about living by a lake, with a field and a couple of cows. Laughing and joking._

_A happy Merlin was rambling on about supplies they'd need, holding Freya's shoulders as she smiled at him, encouraging him._

_Merlin watched as they had their first kiss. Sweet and soft and innocent, Merlin had never felt like that towards anyone ever, not before or since his lady in the lake._

_Arthur and the knights facing off the basted. Arthur stabbing it in the paw, Freya yelping as she staggered away. Merlin losing control as of anguish, causing a gargoyle to nearly fall on his beloved prince, Arthur moving just in time. Freya's green eyes locking with Merlin's cobalt blue, his heart beginning to crack for knew that this was the beginning of the end. Freya leaping into the sky with his luscious wings, where Merlin knew she would be going back to the hideout._

_Racing into the tunnel where they first had their first kiss, where they confessed their love, where they were going to run away. Now Merlin was finding her dying._

_Laying Freya to rest by the lake, and her last words_

"_You remembered…" Freya whispered smiling at the lake as Merlin shook as he held his true love in his arms._

_He tried to grin. "Of course. I am… so sorry for what that sorcerer did to you."_

_"Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for," she said softly._

_"There must be something I can do, some way to save you!" he said desperately. Surely if he was the most powerful being to walk the earth, for once, just this one time, something should go his way. For once, Merlin should be able to save a loved one. He deserved it, didn't he?_

_She shook her head, despite the obvious effort it was costing her. "You've already saved me. You made me feel loved." Merlin's face began to tear up, as despite all he could do, he couldn't save his love, his Freya._

_"I don't want you to go," he choked._

_Freya just smiled. "One day, Merlin… I will repay you. I promise." She smiled, her eyes full of love, then her eyes closed, and her head dropped slightly. She was gone, his fallen angel. Merlin shook his head, breathing heavily, letting the tears fall that cascaded down his face._

_"F-Freya…" he whispered. No answer. There will never be an answer, and for as long as knew Arthur, he had never felt so ill of him in that moment. With a choked gasp, he hugged her tightly, sobbing, not noticing that the rain had stopped around him. It seemed as if the whole world was in mourning._

_He found a wooden boat, laid her in it, and covered her with flowers, the most beautiful of flowers, as she was the most beautiful person ever to be seen. As he watched it drift away from the shore, the heartbroken warlock raised one hand and whispered, "Astíre." The boat was pushed out, where it sailed gently away, when with a final tortured sob Merlin's eyes flashed gold once more and flames leapt from the wood, consuming the flowers and what had remained of his true love – his lady of the lake._

* * *

Merlin woke up, with tears streaking down his face. Every day, he relieved that moment, but none more so then today, for today, September 29th, was the day Freya died, 5 years this day.

Merlin let out a tortured sob, but quickly tried to stifle it. He had forgotten that they were on a hunting trip with the round table, as Arthur had been so stressed that Gwen quickly decided to send him away to relieve a bit of that tension. Merlin agreed with her, he just wished that wasn't on _this_ day. He wanted to be in mourning, and couldn't do that with actual people there to see. Merlin looked around, but it seemed that not one of the knights, or indeed Arthur, had noticed anything was wrong.

Merlin quickly wiped away the tear tracks, before walking over to the fire and restarting it, to help warm up their breakfast. Sniffing slightly, as he had a runny nose from all the crying, he silently handed out the knights breakfast to the said hungry persons.

"Mmm, this porridge _is_ good. Maybe I can have some more Merlin?" Merlin silently made his way over to Gwaine, giving him a huge dollop of porridge before moving back towards the fire to put it out.

"Yes Gwaine, I agree with you, I should like some more as well". The knights started to laugh, as each served themselves a huge second helping, so there was none for Merlin. But he didn't mind, it wasn't as if he felt hungry as all he would eat today was strawberries.

_'That's not a strawberry!' Freya laughed as Merlin handed her a rose, a blood red rose. 'It's the colour of a strawberry'"._

Merlin smiled, lost in his memories. It was a while before he realised that Arthur was yelling at him.

"Merlin. Merlin. MERLIN!" Merlin looked over to the pompous prat, and as he started going off about what a complete idiot Merlin was, he wondered if he ever lost any sleep on the Bastet. Then he decided he didn't care. After a few moments, Merlin realised all the knights were staring at him, for it seemed that the esteemed dollop head had finished talking and was waiting angrily for a reply.

"Yes sire, I will pack all the bags up and ready the horses. But first I will just go and wash these dishes." The knights looked at him in astonishment, but Merlin didn't care. He just wanted to get back to Camelot as soon as possible. As he made his way over to the edge of the clearing, collecting all the dirty pans and setting off to washing them in the stream, he missed the knights' conversation.

* * *

Arthurs POV

"Why can't that idiot ever do anything that he is told. He clearly wasn't listening to a single thing I said."

"Sire haven't you noticed that Merlin seemed a little bit... well a little bit off today?" Leon asked, and frowning Arthur began to think back, but not until he heard the other knights contributions.

"We all ate the breakfast and he didn't even complain"

"When you asked for thirds, sire, he didn't even call you fat!"

"When princess had given a very flattering speech on what a person Merlin was, he didn't even give a retort back!" Arthur winced. That was Gwaine of course; the nickname was a big giveaway. I mean, thought Arthur, princess isn't a very manly name is it. And Arthur thought he certainly was manly.

"Arthur are you okay? You looked like there was something wrong with you."

"I was thinking, and yes I do think there is something wrong with Merlin, he was behaving like a _girl._"

"So that's why your face looked funny! Princess here was thinking and we all know how that that must off been!" Gwaine said, grinning wickedly at Arthur with all the knights joining in with laughing at the King.

"Thank you _Gwaine_, with that _lovely_ input there, because as we all know, you're too busy being drunken then actual making decisions!" Arthur shot back. Gwaine never appeared at the council meetings as it was, well boring, or as Gwaine put it 'sitting with a bunch of pigs getting nowhere in their lives with nothing better to do, unlike him, because there was a lovely girl at the rising sun and... .' Arthur stopped that thought, as he didn't want to think of Gwaine... Dammit! There he went again!

The clearing went quiet, and Arthur looked around before noticing that Merlin had entered the clearing, and was now busy putting the equipment away. And now that the knights had pointed it out, Arthur realised that there was something wrong with Merlin. He was slouching, avoiding contact with any of the knights, who Arthur knew that Merlin considered close friends. He hadn't even noticed that the clearing had gone quiet and his eyes were red as if...

"Merlin you haven't been a girl and actually been _crying_ have you?" Arthur cursed himself for not stopping the words before they came out of his mouth, as Merlin winced, then replied

"Of course not, but as we all know, _you_ have the emotional rang of a pig. Eat, sleep and snort all day long as you get fatter and fatter." The knights let out a half hearted laugh, but Arthur knew they all realised that Merlin's heart simply wasn't in it.

"Is something wrong Merlin? You seem not yourself" asked Elyan as they all started to pack their saddle bags.

"I'm fine" said Merlin adding "Really" as all the knights looked at him disbelievingly, including Arthur. "I'm thinking we should go, as I don't know about you, but I actually have things to do in Camelot and do not have time to laze about getting stuck in the middle of nowhere!" He climbed upon his horse, as looking around, Arthur realised that they were all packed up and ready to go.

* * *

Merlin's POV

"... and then I spat the ale in the face and he..." Merlin tuned Gwaine out, as from the sound of it, it was just another tavern story, and there were _a lot_ of those. He looked down towards the ground, where a few minutes later, (after Merlin's eyes had glowed molten gold) found a big red patch of beautiful...

"Strawberries! Well who would off known? Aren't they out of season? Merlin cursed Percival, for obvious reasons. He had forgotten that as Percival had lived in a village in the forest, he would obviously gone berry picking and would know all about the strawberry season.

For the first time that day, Merlin cracked a small smile as he climbed of his horse to the strawberries. He picked the big ones, where he quickly hid them in his jacket before procuring them for everybody else.

* * *

As they set off again, Merlin contentedly (well as contentedly as he could be) sat there munching before picking up on the current conversation.

"So, Elyan who was your first kiss?" Asked Leon, who feeling a little bit peeved that he wasn't with Catherine de Berge, decided to find out his fellow knights love lives.

"It was Mary, you know from the kitchens? We both got drunk when we were twelve and I kissed her." Elyan smiled wistfully at the memory. Percival laughed then when Elyan asked who his first kiss was managed to get out.

"A girl from my village called Jade. But we got caught by her pa and we banned from seeing each other. She then got married to a tanner. Poor bloke, as she drove him crackers!" Leon started laughing, but reputedly stopped when Arthur enquired

"So Leon who was yours?"

Leon stopped smiling and turned rather pale. Merlin paused in his memory of Freya laughing, as he wanted to know what reaction Arthur would have when he found out.

"It was umm" Leon stuttered, and then said the name quietly. He began to edge his horse so he had Percival to protect him when Arthur lost control.

"What was that Leon? I didn't quite catch that!" Elyan laughed, as he knew full well who it was and was delighted at how the second in command would soon get into trouble.

"It was Gwen" Leon whispered. A stunned silence by Arthur followed then... "How dare you kiss the future queen of Camelot!" Arthur then proceeded to try and catch Leon, and mockingly gave him a noogie for the answer. Merlin gave a small smile, and then it quickly faded as the next question came.

"Don't laugh Merlin, as we all know that Leon here has got further in his love life then you!" Merlin's head whipped round as he glared at Arthur. Arthur faltered as he received the full death glare, combined with a good imitation of Gaius' eyebrow. But he pushed on anyway.

"Well what was that for?"

"How dare you Arthur Pendragon! You know nothing about me and my life." Merlin shouted, his eyes glistening with tears as he saw Freya in his mind, reaching for him, love and happiness in her eyes. "How dare you." Merlin whispered brokenly.

The knights were taken aback by Merlin's behaviour but at Percival quiet voice saying "I think we should leave it, if Merlin wants us to know, he will tell us in his own time" and quickly changed the subject to how ugly the others were. They were all wondering how Merlin had a beloved. And they realised that they didn't _truly know_ about the manservant. And this fact shocked them.

Merlin didn't join in their banter and he didn't laugh and chat. He was silent, and in mourning for the rest of their journey.

* * *

When they finally reached Camelot, it was in the evening, and before Arthur could reprimand him, Merlin quickly slide of his saddle and led his horse Kilo to the stables. He practically ran to Gaius' chambers, where he quickly wrote a note saying they were back, and he was going out to collect some 'herbs'.

He went up to his chambers and collected a black neckerchief, which he promptly put on before heading back out. He went to the passage where he had led Freya to and with a spell, put 5 strawberries on the shrine there and sat down, shoulders shuddering as he finally realised his pent up tears that had been building up over the course of the day.

Later that night, Merlin re-entered the castle, and stood for a moment in the courtyard. This was where the death blow was dealt, and he stood silently, head bowed before heading back to his chambers. He lit a candle, and for the rest of the night, engrossed himself with Freya, honouring her memory.

Merlin knew that the next day, everyone will be harassing him for his slip up, and he knew that he will have to make up a half truth. He knew, but for just a moment, one moment, he could pretend, for one precious blissful moment, that he was with his lady of the lake.  
And he was happy.

* * *

**Phew, my first fan fiction! I hope you enjoyed this, and please leave a review as constructive criticism is welcome. I have been debating with myself as to whether I should continue and reveal some of Merlin's secrets or if I should just leave it there. Please it's up to you guys as I am unsure.**

**Did any of you get the references to Doctor Who and Pride and Prejudiced by any chance?**


	2. Arthur is thinking!

**Thank you to my first ever reviewer Kiki1770! This next chapter is dedicated to you and my auntie, whose birthday is today. Obviously I have now decided to continue this, with perhaps revealing maybe some more of Merlin's secrets...**

In memory of the fallen

Chapter 2 -Arthur has a (good!?) Idea

Sometimes, Arthur really needed to learn how to shut his big mouth. But, Arthur supposed, being royalty, and the way he was brought up had left him thinking that nobody else was important, and (of course) that feelings didn't matter. For feelings were for _girls and _Arthur_ defiantly was not a girl._

Before he met that idiot Merlin, Arthur knew that he might have been spoiled. "An arrogant, stuck up, supercilious brat" as Merlin so elegantly put it. Arthur had to say that sometimes (and only sometimes mind you)_,_ Merlin was right.

But having been spoiled when younger meant that he didn't care about other people's feelings and opinions. Merlin had changed that, in fact Merlin knew _everything _about Arthur. And it might off _possibly_ of hurt Arthur a _tinsy, winsy, ickle wickle bit_ when he realised that he knew next to _nothing_ about Merlin.

* * *

The first indication was when joking around with the other knights about their love lives. Merlin's reaction had shocked Arthur when he had teased him, as for in that one second that their eyes connected, he had saw pain and hurt beyond all imagining. Emotions that were locked away behind those Cobalt blue eyes so nobody could see. Eyes that was far too _old_ for their time. The words that Merlin then spoke had made Arthur realise that Merlin had suffered greatly beyond imagining.

"_How dare you Arthur Pendragon! You know nothing about me and my life." Merlin shouted at him, and Arthur realised with a shock that Merlin had used his full name, which he did only when angry. "How dare you." Merlin whispered brokenly, so quietly that Arthur had though he imagined them._

The realisation that Merlin, _Merlin _had secrets had hit him hard, for everyone could read Merlin like an open book. He displayed every emotion on his face, for all to see for god's sake! When Percival then spoke about leaving Merlin alone, Arthur conceded, for the best tactician knew when to strike, and Arthur _certainly_ was the best.

The second sign was when they had finally reached Camelot, when Arthur turned around to command Merlin to tend to the horses and prepare his dinner. Merlin had gone and had disappeared so quickly and quietly that no one had noticed. Who ever knew that the bumbling fool could move _softly! _Merlin had never gone to tend to the king that night, instead Guinevere had decided to go down to the kitchens and fetch it for them.

Gwen had asked Arthur if he had something on his mind, for he had been quiet during the dinner as he was trying to find the reason behind Merlin's actions. When seeing his wife's concerned look when he replied "nothing" absentmindedly, he admitted defeat and let it all pour out. Arthur had often found that it was good to bounce ideas off Gwen, as she often had good points he hadn't even considered.

Arthur told her all about what he had seen and heard and his wondering about how; how _Merlin_ could have secrets that he hadn't told Arthur or indeed any of the round knights as Arthur had noted all of their reactions.

Guinevere had suggested that it was a girl from his home Ealdor, but Arthur disagreed with her. He had already thought of that, but when he had stopped Kainen from attacking the village, no one there had seemed well, particularly attached to Merlin, apart from his mother Hunith and the boy Will, who had then promptly died. He mentioned this to Gwen, who agreed, as after all, she had been there too.

"Besides", Arthur said suddenly, "The pain in his eyes was too recent, to be that long ago and remember he mentioned that the reason he left was because he didn't fit in. If there had been a girl he loved, he would not have cared about what others thought of him, or she at least might have visited once in a while. Which means... it means that Merlin would have met her _here!" _

The situation made Arthur laugh out loud. Merlin had been in love, here in Camelot and he hadn't even noticed. His laugh cut off suddenly when he realised that meant that Merlin had indeed been keeping secrets from him, as Arthur had been hoping that maybe it had all happened before he had arrived in Merlin's life.

Arthur got up from his chair from which he had sat on, having dinner and walked over to the window, to look upon his beautiful city as he struggled to think. What he saw him made him gasp, and motioning for his queen to come and join him, she hurriedly made her way over. And what she saw made her too gasp with surprise.

For there was Merlin, entering the courtyard from the lower town, where he must of had some engagement. Gwen looked for a moment, that said softly, "Arthur look at his eyes." Arthur heeded her words then peered out of the window. Merlin's eyes were red, bloodshot and puffy, with tear tracks running down the side of his face.

The rulers of Camelot own eyes widened, as they saw Merlin suddenly stood to a standstill. He just stood there, in the middle of the courtyard with tears streaking down his face and with his head bowed. After a long pause, he moved away, and they watched as he shuffled slowly back to what must of been the physicians quarters, where Merlin stayed with Gaius.

They stood for a long while, looking out but seeing nothing, as they tried to comprehend what they had seen. Arthur could tell that the Queen's mind was whirring as he knew that she had not fully believed the enormity of the situation until she saw the state Merlin was in. Arthur straightened and said determinedly "That's it. I'm going to do something about this; I can't stand Merlin looking so... so broken." Arthur stood and strode to the door, where he was just about to open it until he heard the queen's voice, which was still standing motionless at the window.

"Arthur he was wearing a _black neckerchief_." Arthur looked back stunned as she continued "_Please_, just be careful, don't hurt him even more." She stressed the please, as if she thought that Arthur would be tactless. As if, Arthur silently scoffed as he reached for the door handle, but before he could go through she interrupted him again.

"Dear where are you going to?" She questioned an amused looking smile on her face as Arthur stared back confusingly. "Too go and get the other knights of course!" Saying this with a look of _'I can't believe you would ask such a stupid question' face. _Gwen laughed as she saw his face, and then replied "Well dear... do you really think they would want to be woken up, for a matter that could be dealt with tomorrow?" She watched as realisation dawned on Arthur.

It couldn't be that late surely? Arthur glanced at the majestic clock on the mantelpiece and with a shock, saw the time. They had been talking all evening and into most of the night! His beautiful queen smirked as he turned back towards the room, heading towards the screen where he would get changed into his night things.

When he came out, he found his beloved wife perching on top of the bed. He frowned then asked, "Why aren't you in your night wear?" Guinevere turned and said mischievously "I can't get out of these clothes. Arthur gazed back with a look of amusement and anticipation.

"Let me help you with that, my darling beautiful Queen Guinevere." Arthur knew that she wanted to take his mind of Merlin and he let her. For tomorrow they could tackle Merlin with his amazing plan...

* * *

**Soo, that's the second chapter done! Yay! I don't think I put any references... Please may you review so I know how to improve! Until next time!**


	3. Avoiding questions

**Wow! Look how many favourites and follows I have! I really love you guys, as you are absolutely the best. I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, as I've been doing the YA scavenger hunt, in hope of getting some free books...**

**Disclaimer – Yep I totally own Merlin, that's why I'm on fanfiction instead of writing a new series... I own Merlin in a different Universe (DUH), but not this one sadly...**

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 3 –Avoiding questions

Merlin POV

Footsteps came softly up the stairs outside Merlin's room, where they stopped just outside the door.

"Merlin."

Merlin groaned as he heard a voice saying his name. He didn't want to get up today, for as he had been honouring Freya's memory all night he hadn't really had much sleep.

Hearing a vague response, Gaius decided to try again. "My boy, it's time to get up now. If you don't, Arthur will put you in the stocks again for being late."

_Who cares about Arthur_, Merlin thought, and then suddenly sat up with a yelp.

Satisfied that Merlin had got up, Gaius went back downstairs to begin preparing the breakfast. But Merlin didn't care about what Gaius thought, he just sat there, remembering how he had acted on the hunting trip yesterday and inwardly he cringed.

Arthur. Arthur_ knew. _Or at least suspected – and sometimes with Arthur that was even worse, - that Merlin was holding back at least one secret from him and the other knights. That would have certainly hurt Arthur that Merlin had a secret that he hadn't been told, but at the moment, Merlin didn't really care.

Merlin was shaken out of his anxious thoughts by Gaius' shout that breakfast was getting cold.

Getting dressed and thumping down the old stairs, to where the porridge was, Merlin was quiet as he sat there eating with his mentor. His mind was desperately working overtime, churning up excuses to explain for his 'odd' behaviour. He dismissed most of them as he came, but there was one that might be plausible...

* * *

Plastering a big grin over his face (although he didn't really need to, as after all, this was his favourite part of the day, even if he was still depressed over the events of yesterday), Merlin put his ear against the door, checking for ah, _unusual _sounds – shuddering slightly, as that was a sight that Merlin sadly was never going to forget in a hurry- emitting from inside the chambers. He waited for a few seconds, before pushing the doors open so they rebounded off the walls with a loud clang.

He stomped noisily over to the table, setting down the tray full of food for the two rulers, then 'cheerfully' made his way over to the window, yanking the curtains (so hard that they almost came off) open and saying;

"Rise and shine sleepy heads!" Hearing a grunt that sounded as if the troll was back – the image giving Merlin a real grin for the first time since he got up, – he turned, where he saw the queen sitting up in bed looking amusedly at him, whilst Arthur had his head buried into his pillow.

"Come on Arthur. Wakey wakey lazy daisy! Rise and Shine, Up and at 'em!" Merlin made his way enthusiastically over to the bed where, miming to Gwen to keep quiet (as she had started to giggle, knowing what was to come), Merlin grasped the edges of their quilts, before giving them a huge yank. Having successfully left Arthur on the bed with no warm covers and half naked, Merlin went to pour the wine for the happy couple, silently counting in his head.

Five, four, three, two, one and...

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted in annoyance, reaching out to chuck his goblet at his head which Merlin promptly ducked with ease.

"That's my name don't wear it out!" Giving his trademark idiotic grin, he quickly walked to the wardrobe where he pulled out Arthur's clothes for today and laid them on the bed. He wanted to get out there as soon as possible as he really wanted to be alone today. Even if it was doing chores. He just wanted peace and silence to _think_.

"How are you today Merlin?" Gwen inquired as she sat down at the table.

"Yep I'm fine. Right as rain even. Right I'll leave you two to pig out on breakfast and get started on my other chores then. Bye!" Merlin had almost made it to the door when...

"Merlin, could you come here please?" Grimacing as Arthur had obviously told Gwen everything and they had decided to attack him together (and with a lot more tact as Gwen were also there); he quickly put on a cheesy grin and decided to act normal before turning and walked towards the royals.

"Is there anything you require My Lady? As you see, I have a massive amount of chores to be getting on with, helping Gaius in the lower town, mucking out the stables, training with Arthur and the knights and..."

"Why don't you sit down and have some grapes?" Gwen had interrupted him in mid description of his chores, patting the sit beside her. Reluctantly Merlin sat down, hoping that he'll be able to make his excuses before getting on with his work. As Merlin hadn't been lying, he did have a heck of a lot to do.

"How was the hunting trip? Arthur said that you didn't scare off any of the game, and that's quite a feat for you, as normally you fall at least five times!"

"It was good your highness, thank you for enquiring." Merlin half rose out of his chair before Gwen firmly pushed him back down.

"Now, now Merlin, no need to be formal here is there. We are all friends aren't we?"

"Yes. Yes we are. I really need to go now your high- Guinevere." Merlin half rose out of his seat, before Arthur dragged him back down impatiently.

"Nonsense. So, were the knights mean to you? As if they did you would tell wouldn't you as we are fr-"

Arthur interrupted Gwen in mid speech about friendship as he had got a bit bored and it was obvious that Merlin wasn't going to tell the truth."I'm fed up of all this chit chat. We might as well get straight to the point. Merlin, why were you so upset yesterday?

"I didn't know that you cared about me that much Sire." Merlin snarked, trying to hide the panic that was rising up inside of him and almost immediately regretted it.

"This isn't the time for humour, Merlin. Now tell us what's wrong and do not lie." Arthur added as he saw Merlin reopen his mouth to give another witty retort.

"Come on, tell me."

"The reason I was unhappy sire, is because..." For a moment, Merlin's mind went completely blank, before coming up with the excuse. "Because Gaius had told me that a friend of mine, Lila was in labour with twins, but that it was going to be a difficult birth, and that one of the two children might die. I was worried about her, seeing as her father and husband were trading with a neighbouring village, he couldn't get back in time, so she was all alone. I wanted to be there to give her the support she needed. But I'm fine today as she and the twins both survived."

Merlin waited with baited breath to see what Arthur and Gwen would say. Most of what he said had been true, his friend Lila the baker had gone into labour with twins, with her father and husband away and he had wanted to be there to give her support. It's just that he just exaggerated a little bit, as Gaius had told him quite confidently that she (and the twins) would be fine.

Seeing that the royal persons were at thinking about it, Merlin grabbed his chance and practically ran for the door, and slipping out, he rested for a moment with his head against the cold stone walls and gave out a long sigh.

Merlin had thought that was hard, but Arthur would probably not be satisfied and there was training today which meant... which meant that he would have to face the other knights as well. Giving a groan and another sigh of unhappiness, he disappeared down the corridor to start his chores...

* * *

Two hours later, Merlin sat watching the training. Someone had left the stable doors open, so he had spent the majority of the morning chasing the horses down and returning them to where they belonged.

And now that he was expected to help train the other knights in the hottest part of the day, well to put it simply and nicely, Arthur must be joking. All Merlin wanted to do was spend his day at the lake of Avalon but no, the pompous brat had to stop him from enjoying himself.

But as his name was called, and was told to stand and try and defend himself whilst the others attacked him, he ruefully remembered that Arthur never was even the slightest bit sensible when it concerned him.

First up was Gwaine, followed swiftly by the knights who were on the hunting trip. Merlin knew that Arthur had purposely done this, in revenge for acting out on the hunting trip but also they might be able to wrangle out more information.

So he quietly dealt with all the blows, not even wincing as one sword struck him awkwardly as he was in his happy place, with his father, Freya, Lancelot, Will and almost nothing could stop him from daydreaming. Almost nothing...

* * *

"Merlin!" Someone called, and as he shook his head dazed, the said person found himself on the floor. People were crowding around him, and he had a large cut in his shoulder, from where one of the knights must off struck him so hard, he had fallen over.

"Why is he lying on the floor? Elyan what happened?"

"I was attacking him sire, but he didn't block in time. I managed cut him on the shoulder, then for some reason he fell to the floor."

"What an idiot."

Another voice joined in with the conversation. "You need to get that cut seen to, it looks nasty. Maybe I should go and get Gaius..."

"Mmm, we should probably get the shirt off, it looks as if it needs bandaging."

"Don't bother."

Merlin had finally realised that they were talking about him and what they wanted to do. He couldn't take of his shirt, as they would see all of his scars, and if there was one thing he would never ever do, it would be to show everyone how much pain he had suffered. The pain he had suffered for his friends, family and Camelot. He stood up.

"I'm fine really, it was my fault that it happened and I should have been paying more attention. I was day dreaming."

"What, about the girl you mentioned on the hunting trip?"

Merlin couldn't tell which knight said that, but immediately all of them went silent, wanting to hear Merlin's answer.

"No." The pain flared up, and his voice broke slightly as he lied. Technically he wasn't just thinking about Freya, as he was also thinking about Lancelot and Will.

The other knights looked sceptical but when Merlin kept on insisting that he was fine and there was no problem, they eventually let it go and went back to training.

* * *

After another hour of hard work, Arthur had finally called session over and as they all tramped back to the armoury; the knights started their own interrogating of the manservant.

"Alright Merlin? Feeling better today? No grouchy moods?"

"I'm perfectly fine, thanks for asking." Merlin said in a monotone. Not really paying attention to what they were saying.

"Or maybe you have a strawberry hidden in your pocket?" Shocked out of daydreaming, Merlin stared open mouthed at Gwaine. Then he realised with a wave of sadness what he was talking about. Gwaine had seen him pick the strawberries and hide them in his pocket.

He touched the said pocket gently, not wanting to disturb the locket of hair that was wrapped up snugly in a beautiful locket. Merlin always carried it around with him, as it reminded him of his lady of the lake and in a way; it was a reminder and good luck charm. He always felt safer with it on, and it reminded him that never again, would he stand by and watch an innocent die.

"I was hungry, and unfortunately, seeing as you arrogant asses ate all the food, I ate them yesterday on the trip." Merlin lied, hoping that Gwaine and Leon would drop the subject there. But sadly, no such luck.

"So your eyes went a little bit wet because you ate a strawberry?" Said Gwaine disbelievingly.

Percival overhearing the conversation stepped in at this point of the conversation.

"Your eyes go wet Gwaine when you get shooed away from the apple bowl in the kitchens by Mary so you can't say much! Besides what's so special about apple anyway?"

Gwaine immediately took insult and started an argument about why apples were such an amazing vegetable. Merlin raised an eyebrow at this, for surely Gwaine knew that apples were fruits? But then again, Merlin reflected, it wasn't as if Gwaine was the most accurate of people. Just look at all his tavern tales!

Merlin was silent as he helped all the knights take of their armour. For Merlin had realised why he hadn't raised his shield to block Elyan's strike that injured him. It was the same one that Arthur had executed on Freya when she was in her Bastet form, just before her... Just before her death. Elyan had used the technique that had killed Freya.

Merlin slipped quietly out when no one was looking, and went back to his room, stopping y the market to buy an easel and paint...

* * *

**So how was it? I was going to write the knights reactions, but when I realised that it was over 5 pages long, I thought I should do a new chapter dedicated to it. Please review, as it helps me to write quicker, plus its just a nice thing to do!**


	4. There's something wrong with Merlin

**Hiya! I've finished the scavenger hunt, but sadly I didn't win anything. :( This chapter is dedicated to Kiki1770 9i know I have already done them) who had managed to wait for it... review me twice! You obviously have a heart of gold...**

**In Memory of the fallen**

**Chapter 4- There's something wrong with Merlin**

**Arthur's POV**

Although Arthur wouldn't admit it to anyone, he had been keeping an eye on Merlin all through the day, from the moment Merlin left their disastrous conversation at breakfast.

As Gwen had made Arthur promise to hear Merlin's side of the story, it meant that he had to wait before resorting to his plan, which he grumpily agreed to.

Sadly, Gwen had optimistically thought that if she sat Merlin down, he would talk. But Arthur had seen the panic that had flitted across Merlin's face when he had started being interrogated, where he had then clammed up, before telling them a story about his friend Lila.

Arthur knew for a fact, that most of the story was true. Gwen had gone to see her to give her a newborns gift – after all there _was_ two- plus she had been friends with the baker's daughter since she was a servant, which was one reason why she had been named godmother, but there was one problem.

Lila had told Gwen that she had gone into labour three nights ago, but if that was true – and Arthur supposed it was, as it was the sort of thing girls kept track of, - then Merlin shouldn't have been worried, as the babies had been safely delivered the next day. The key word was safely.

For Lila had also told Gwen that as far as she knew, the birth was fine and went smoothly. Again, Arthur believed her, for woman would know more about these things than men. Which meant that either Gauis had decided to keep the truth hidden, so she would not have even more unwarranted stress and worry, or...

Or Merlin had made the whole thing up. Which meant that there _was_ a girl. Which meant that he had lied. Merlin had lied to Arthur.

The bombshell about Merlin, _Merlin_, not telling him the truth had hit him harder then he thought. Merlin wasn't as rubbish a liar as he and everyone else made out. The thought that plagued Arthur was, if Merlin had lied to him about his, what else had he kept hidden?

After the royal duo had been fed the story, Merlin had quickly bed a hasty retreat, and he walked out the door. Arthur heard a sigh, which seemed to be filled with unhappiness and something else. A sense of loss maybe? Then a painful groan and another long sigh followed, before Merlin's footsteps echoed down the corridor.

Arthur frowned about Merlin's behaviour, but brightened up when he realised that this meant that he would be able to put his plan in action. Starting with training the knights.

* * *

Arthur watched Merlin from the corner of his eye as he briefed the knights about the exercise they were about to do. The face that usually held excitement and laughter betrayed his true emotions. Merlin was _sad_.

So to distract him from his clearly painful thoughts, Arthur decided to include Merlin with the training. Purely to help him of course, it wasn't because it was entertaining to see him fight, or that he had _lied._ Not at all...

He rotated all the knights so that they would be with Merlin at some point, and as Arthur was sparring with Leon, it happened. Up till that point, Merlin had been fighting against Elyan.

Suddenly Merlin collapsed on the ground in pain, his hand clutching his shoulder. Arthur turned, and walked quickly –it defiantly was not running- to see what the matter was. He asked (defiantly _not_ demanded) Elyan what had happened.

"Why is he lying on the floor? Elyan what happened?"

"I was attacking him sire, but he didn't block in time. I managed cut him on the shoulder, then for some reason he fell to the floor."

Arthur turned to look at Merlin, who was still on the ground looking pale. Why hadn't he bothered to block? Yes Merlin wasn't exactly the most... co – ordinate person in the world... but he almost always managed to hold his own, even against the knights. So what had made him lose concentration and rhythm?

Arthur spoke the one thing that came suddenly to mind amid the turmoil, as he tried to sort everything out.

"What an idiot."

At that point, Leon and Percival (they had been sparing together it seemed), attracted by the noise and crowd, came over to join them.

After a moment of gazing at Merlin, Percival turned to Arthur and said worriedly, "You need to get that cut seen to, it looks nasty. Maybe I should go and get Gaius..."

"Mmm, we should probably get the shirt off, it looks as if it needs bandaging." Leon stepped forward, preparing to do exactly what he had proposed, but before he could get near, Merlin spoke.

"Don't bother."

Two words, which made such a simple sentence. And for some reason, Arthur felt a slight chill. He just had a feeling... that there was something that Merlin wasn't telling them.

Maybe it was the fact that as he said those words, he drew his shirt tighter around himself, as if to stop everyone from seeing though it, even though it was antagonising the wound. Then Merlin spoke again, trying to convince them that nothing was wrong, when it was pretty obvious there was.

"I'm fine really, it was my fault that it happened and I should have been paying more attention. I was day dreaming."

"What, about the girl you mentioned on the hunting trip?"

Silently, Arthur cursed the knight that said that, whoever it was, at any rate. From experience he knew that Merlin liked to hide his pain from other people, often attending their injuries before his own. The question being that personal, well...

"No." Arthur's heart fell a little when he heard that word. He could hear the pain behind the syllable, emphasised by Merlin's voice cracking a little. And Arthur finally decided, in that moment, that he _needed_ and not wanted to get the truth out of Merlin, otherwise it would haunt him. Forever.

Merlin kept on insisting that he was alright, even standing up. Once Merlin set his mind on something, Arthur knew he would follow it through, so silently sighing, he reluctantly ordered the knights to resume their training (as most had gathered around).

* * *

Taking his frustrations out on the lucky few that got to spar with Arthur, he eventually called the session to a close, finally having gotten almost all the anger out of his system.

When the knights were all in the armoury, Arthur noticed that it seemed... oddly silent. Then, realisation struck him and he looked around to see where Merlin was.

Merlin was _silent._ No unceasing chatter, no comebacks, nothing. Now Arthur truly started to worry, for when Merlin was quiet, something was wrong. Very wrong. Soon after Arthur made that revelation, he noticed that Merlin had slipped out, probably to get on his own for a while. Arthur pushed away that small niggle of worry and called for quiet.

Immediately, the room fell silent as all the knights stopped chattering with each other and turned to face their liege, anticipation on their faces for Arthur's announcement.

"Could the knights of the round table stay behind, as I need to have a word with all of you? The rest can go."

Arthur's heart plunged again as he beheld some of the other knights faces as they trooped out of the room. It wasn't that they were trust worthy; it was just that that they didn't know Merlin personally.

The remaining knights looked confusedly at each other with questioning glances, and as the final knight closed the door behind him, Arthur leapt into action.

"You people who are gathered here are all on good terms with Merlin, correct?"

All of the knights nodded at this statement, but with puzzling expressions. What on earth could Arthur be on about? But he ignored all of this anyway and forged on, as soon enough, they would all know anyway.

* * *

"You all care about his feelings, don't you?"

Again another node, with realisation dawning on some of the brighter knights faces. Like Sir Leon's and Percival's. Wait Percival? Arthur stopped what he was doing (which was fiddling with Excalibur's sheath) and returned to Percival's face.

It wasn't that Arthur thought that Percival was dumb, it was just that... well, Percival was so _quiet._ He had kept himself to himself before getting to truly know the knights, and always seemed a bit reserved when he spoke. Mentally Arthur shook himself before continuing with the speech he had prepared.

"We all saw how Merlin reacted on the hunting trip correct? Well this morning Gwen and I asked Merlin what was wrong...

Arthur told them the whole story, and as he finished with;

"I think we should do something about it. It's not like Merlin to be mopey, and I for one will certainly not stand for it!" He looked at the knights faces, which registered shock, and shouting out someone said,

"Wait, Princess actually showing how much he cares about Merlin? Guys, Arthur has been enchanted!"

Of course, it had to be Gwaine who came out with that statement, so quickly, before Arthur could lose face he replied somewhat untruthfully;

"Why would I care about feelings? And with Merlin's for god's sake? It's not as if we are friends or anything and besides" Arthur added hastily, as he saw disbelief echoed all around him "It's affecting his work!"

As his fellow comrades still didn't believe him Arthur said somewhat impatiently "Look, we're not here to talk about me. Aren't you all fed up with the way Merlin's acting?"

* * *

The knights agreed that they should do something about it, with them all suggesting different ideas, with Gwaine's (of course), being the most unrealistic.

"Ask Gauis. He always knows what is wrong with Merlin!"

"Wear him out then bombard him with questions!"

"Take him to the tavern and get him drunk!"

"Beat it out of him!"

"If we corner him, he'll spill the beans!"

"Take him to the tavern and get really drunk!"

"Guilt trip him!"

"Get Mary the cook to coax it out of him. She can do anything!"

"TAKE HIM TO THE TAVERN AND GET HIM SO DRUNK THAT HE CAN'T STAND UP ANYMORE!"

Arthur winced. Although these were the bravest and most skilful knights in all of Camelot, they weren't exactly the most original. Suddenly, Percival's voice pierced though the cries and he said quietly but firmly,

"I think we should let him be. If Merlin wants to tell us, he should do it of his own free will, in his own time, when he is ready."

Arthur and the other knights stopped what they were doing and looked at Percival with their mouths wide open.

"Percy mate? When have you been so sensible?" Gwaine stared at Percival with his mouth so open it could catch flies. (At this point Arthur had to start grinning, it was too much).

"I just think, if Merlin wouldn't tell us, it would be something incredibly personal to him, and we should respect his privacy."

Arthur finally recovering his wits, stopped giggling at Gwaine being a fly catcher (his mouth had got so much bigger it might drop down on the floor), even though he would be very successful, and decided to pull this conversation back on track.

"Drop it Gwaine ok?" Arthur looked at Gwaine for conformation before turning back to the group as a whole.

"Yes, I think all your plans are pretty good. But I have already made one, which is full of cunning and genius." Arthur stated modestly.

Giggling started somewhere, and a loud clang echoed through the room as Elyan started snorting, and Gwaine rolling on the floor with laughter.

"What's so funny, Sirs Elyan and Gwaine?"

"It's just that... that..!" Gwaine was laughing so much that he could barely breathe, so Leon (who seemed like his usual self, even though his shoulders were shaking a bit)

"I think what Gwaine was trying to say, it that wasn't your description of your plan... a little bit exaggerated?" Leon asked. Yep Arthur thought Leon's shoulders were defiantly shaking.

"Besides", Elyan interjected, seemingly haven gotten over his childish fit of gaggles, "Your plans' concerning people... lets us simply say that they are not exactly the best."

"Fine, fine." Arthur gave in, really these people simply had such small minds, and they couldn't begin to truly comprehend the wisdom that Arthur was gifted with.

"Fine, we'll first give your ideas a shot, but if they don't work, our failsafe will be mine. Got it?"

The knights all nodded again in agreement, apparently unable to speak.

"So listen up. First we are all going to start up with..."

"My plan! Great! Ok guys, after Merlin has finished his chores, one of us will nab him and we'll drag him if necessary –"

"GWAINE!"

Yes princess?" Gwaine looked up innocently at Arthur, who felt he was going a bit red in the face.

"We are DEFINATLY NOT doing your plan. Instead, we are going to do..."

* * *

**I'm sorry for updating so late! It's that I haven't been having enough sleep, but even though insomnia is incredibly useful for writing stories, I still need sleep. But phew, I think that might have been my longest chapter yet! **

**As always, please read and review, to give me any hints or tips. THANK YOU! **


	5. So many Memories

**I am so sorry I haven't updated any sooner! My dad has recently rented a warehouse, so he decided to get his two lovely daughters (which includes me) to brush, wash and paint the whole thing, as well as tidy it up and furnish it, so I have barely enough time for homework!**

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 5- So many memories

Merlin's POV

Even though it was mid to late afternoon, Merlin couldn't wait till the day was over. He was fed up with all the knights' questions, and the queer looks he received in the corridors as he continued moving around doing his chores.

Added with the fact that a visiting noble was coming to 'pay his respects' to Arthur, there was a lot of work that needed to be done. He had to complete Arthur's ridiculously large pile of chores, plus reporting to the Castle Stewart for his jobs to do concerning the noble.

It was so tiring, as he had to be on his guard constantly, before and after the noble's arrival, in case of his _beliefs_. Sadly, the two main ones (and coincidently, the ones that most people in Camelot hated) were Uther's old supporters – who would no doubt take offence to Gwen's new status as queen and arrange a _accident _(it had happened more than once in the past) - or a Morgana sympathiser, – in which case two _accidents _would happen (been there, done that) - who would no doubt, try to cause trouble and wreak havoc.

Only occasionally did visiting nobles who believed in Arthur's view come to see Camelot, as although he was king, he hadn't been one for very long.

Most were either dealing with problems of their own (attacks on the villages they overlooked, or on their own dwellings –read Morgana-), not wanting to ally themselves in case they were consequently picked on by a certain mad and dishevelled sorceress – again, Morgana -, or waited to see how Arthur handed each crisis as it came, thus, proving his worth, so they tended to judge his and as a whole, Camelot's actions before extending the hand of friendship.

Bending down, to pick up some of Arthur's dirty washing, his shoulder began to ache, as the cut that Elyan had so kindly given to him, split open, blood beginning to once again pour out, soaking the dressing Merlin had made earlier.

When he had stopped by his room to drop off the equipment for a... special project he had in mind, he stayed for a while to clean and bandage his wound.

* * *

Two hours previously

Merlin had panicked when the knights wanted him to take of his shirt, so when he drew the material tighter around him, it stuck to the cut, making it worse.

In hindsight, Merlin realised that was a pretty stupid thing to do, as it stung like hell when he had to peel it off.

Gauis was out conducting his physician's duties in the lower town, which he did every two days, so it meant that Merlin had to awkwardly wash himself with his arm that had remained unaffected, thus resulting in his shirt and neck chief being covered in more blood (but at least it had been diluted by the water) which was a pain.

After washing it thoroughly to avoid it getting infected, Merlin dried it before applying the bandage, wincing slightly as he did so. His cut cried out in pain, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, considering Merlin had definitely had worse.

He had acquired a number of injuries over the years, from various people who were feeling a bit grumpy at the time, and decided to take it out on Merlin or had tried to kill him, but unsuccessfully.

The Serket sting for instance, which had left its mark on the small of his back, the multiply battle wounds he had received over the years (people who had simply wanted a fight, got annoyed at Merlin and decided to teach him a lesson, or simply tried to kill him), being thrown into hard stone walls (that was definitely one of Merlin's most popular injuries, and the villain's favourite way to beat him up), and the biggest, a scar that covered the whole of his chest, directly above his heart. It was a passing gift that Nimueh decided to give him, right before she turned into flames and promptly died.

It was almost sad really, all the evil guys (and guyesses) who had tried and failed to get rid of him. Sometimes Merlin felt sorry for them. It must be really _annoying_ to have almost completed your highly stupid and incredibly evil plan, only to be thwarted by a handsome young man, who kept on coming back for more.

The thought made Merlin laugh out loud, for what seemed like the first time in days. It almost banished his thoughts on Freya. He had forgotten how much good laughter could do to one when they were feeling down.

Then again, Merlin reflected as he put on his new shirt, they kept on ruining _his_ plans, and mucking them up, so he supposed all was fair and square. He shook his head as he began to walk down the stairs, sober once again at the mention of the evil undoing his plans, which willed away his world, slowly tearing him apart.

He had never really had time to mourn the ones that had become prey to death, and there were _so many _that had fallen.

Freya, Will, Lancelot, Balinor, Tristan, Isolde, even to a certain extent, Morgana and Mordred. The list went on and on, with Merlin never being able to properly mourn them, to remember the good times with the bad.

There were always something else that had to be done, that was too important to be left in peace, or the relationship they shared was so private, he had to maintain his facade and lock away his feelings from other people, and sometimes, to himself.

The facade that Merlin wore, every day of his life, which concealed his emotions and squirreling them away. Only a select few had been able to pierce the armour, and most of them had gone.

It had been nice to have someone else to confide in when in Camelot and away on missions. Lancelot had given Merlin some great advice, and had always stayed true to him, till, in the end, sacrificing himself, so that Merlin would _live_ and continue his destiny.

Will, who was the first person to find out about his magic. He hadn't judged Merlin, and even saved his life.

Balinor, who was his father for two days. It had been one of the best days in his life, and he still treasured the carving that Balinor had made for him in his last hours.

Tristan and Isolde, the two smugglers who gave their life for Camelot, when they found it to be a worthy cause. Merlin could still see the haunting image of Isolde dying in his lover's arms, while he wept as he looked onwards. Tristan had left Camelot shortly after that, as he couldn't live without Isolde.

Finally, Freya, his lady of the lake and his one true love. Even though Merlin had only known her for a week, she still brought a smile to his face whenever he thought of her, which was often.

Only Gauis, and now his mother Hunith remained. The rest were all dead and gone, living like ghosts in their memory, until they eventually faded with time.

Merlin decided to change that, starting from that night.

With that cheery thought, Merlin exited the chambers, planning on returning there later in the evening, in his free time to start on his project.

* * *

Waiting impatiently for the cook to turn his way, Merlin shifted from one foot to the other, giving him the look of someone desperate to go to the latrine.

One of the servants picked up on this, and must have told the cook, for a few moments later, Mary finally turned his way and marched towards him.

Merlin shoved the twinge of fear he felt when she advanced towards him. Mary was one _extremely _scary person, and the fact that he had once insulted her cooking made it even worse to be near her.

Thankfully, Merlin had posed in his old form by being Dragoon at that particular episode, so Mary continued to be unaware of his true identity, and instead, liked to shout at him constantly, (although occasionally giving him free food when she was in a good mood).

Unfortunately, it seemed that Mary was also affected by the lord, so she was considerably stressed. Merlin was _not_ there at the right time to ask for food.

"What cha here for now? I am _not_ giving you any more apples for that knight Gwaine, or food for yourself, so clear off now!"

Merlin opened his mouth to say that it wasn't for him, but she must not have been able to hear him, for she said grumpily;

"Speak up now, will ya? I haven't got all day. _Some_ of us have got jobs to do, instead of dilly dallying and playing the fool."

Merlin tried again, but this time he raised his voice, so it could be hear across the cacophony of noise that were pans clanging, food sizzling and the cries of the servants as they tended to the various stations.

"The king and queen are residing in their chambers for the night and they have requested to have some food. They have sent me down to collect it and bring it back up."

Mary nodded once, before turning around and yelling loudly

"King and Queen's evening meal is being collected. Bring your plates to be retrieved, and hurry up, we don't have all evening!"

Immediately, the kitchen became a flurry of activity, – not that it wasn't busy before, this was a more organised kind of chaos- with maids scurrying to and fro, bringing a delicious variety of food for the two royals.

Mary then began to construct them into a meal, arranging the meat, vegetables and sauces until she had reached perfection. She motioned for Merlin to join her, and obediently, Merlin held out his arms, where he received the platters to carry.

Mary gave him one last look over before saying gruffly

"Here, an apple and some grapes to cheer you up." Merlin was taken aback as she practically shoved the said foods right in his face before slowly walking out of the kitchen.

When he reached the door, he heard Mary shout again and as he turned around, the plates wobbled a bit.

"Merlin? Be careful with that food will ya? I don't want to hear from the king that you had managed to spill it all over the floor _again._"

Merlin flashed a smile in reply, before retreating back to the royal quarters.

* * *

He was quiet as he served Arthur and Gwen dinner that night. He contemplated what the cook had said to him, she had noticed that he wasn't himself. If Mary had noticed, then how many others had? How many sensed there was something wrong with the manservant? Was his mask really that weak?

The dinner passed quickly, and before long, Merlin dressed Arthur in his sleeping clothes before leaving the chambers for the night, closing the door softly behind him

He gave an absentminded, but friendly nod and wave to the two people who were standing on guard as he continued down the corridor.

That night, many of the servants and the nice nobles acknowledged Merlin as he walked down the corridor. Each time, he gave a friendly wave, and sometimes a kind word or two, depending on who it was, although his mind wasn't really with him.

Merlin gave a contented sigh as he walked into the physician's chamber and his home. Gauis still wasn't there, so Merlin wrote a quick note saying he had already eaten before bounding up the stairs to his room.

He was finally going to commemorate the fallen.

* * *

**So how did you guys like that? I am sorry it took so long, but I promise the next chapter will be up soon.**

**I will address some of your questions in the next chapter, where it will be in a different POV.**

**As always please review!**

**Until next time!**


	6. Initiation of Stage One

**I felt so sorry for you all, waiting there without an update for practically a week that I decided to put up a new chapter without the long wait! At the bottom, I will put my response to your questions and some of your comments.**

**By the way, does anyone want to be my BETA? I have been advised to have one, and now that I know what it is, I agree with them.**

In Memory Of the Fallen

Chapter 6- Initiation of Stage One

Arthur's POV

"Men, this is going to be a tough one, but we need to bear it out, no matter the consequences. Our target has been known to have a pretty big temper, and experience has taught me never to get on the wrong side. Are you all ready?"

A variety of yes sirs came from all around Arthur as they readied for a frontal assault on their enemies keep. He frowned, something was wrong, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it... Arthur couldn't shake of his 'funny feeling' – my god he is beginning to sound like , he decided to do a roll check, to see if someone had dared to ambush one of his men.

"Leon?"

"Yes sire!"

"Elyan?"

"Sire?"

"Percival?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Gwaine?"

There was no reply, so he tried again;

"Gwaine?" Arthur hissed, "Has anybody seen Gwaine?"

Of course it was_ Gwaine _who had gone missing. Really, that man got into so much trouble, Arthur wondered why he put up with the man. Around him, the men in position began to move softly, trying to find their lost comrade. Just when Arthur started to grow impatient, someone said;

"Sorry I'm late guys! Got a bit tangled up as I scouted the enemy's hideout."

"I told you to be here on time Gwaine! Why is it _always_ you who ruins everything? We might have lost the element of surprise!"

"Relax, princess! Our quarry is definitely in there, but is on the move, so I suggest we get things underway."

"_I _give the orders here not you _Gwaine."_

A few seconds pass.

"Men, ready on my mark..."

"Mark!"

Slowly and silently, Arthur and his men crept up on the _victim's_, ahem, _quarry's_ hideout, where they were lurking. Making sure that they were all in positions ready to defend him from the onslaught that was sure to come, Arthur stood in front of the old wooden door.

Gulping nervously, he quickly grabbed all of his courage and burst into the room, startling the occupant inside.

The person they were looking for turned around, and said;

"Arthur! Can't you see I am busy? Now if _you_ don't mind, you can go right back out that door you just so _rudely_ barged though, as I have some _important_ work to be getting on with and I am sure you do to... like _oh_, maybe _running a kingdom_?!"

After that outburst, Arthur swore he heard people whimper behind him.

Gauis, it seemed, was _not_ in a happy mood that day. This was going to be a tough interrogation...

* * *

Arthur glanced uncertainly at his fellow knights behind, and then pushed forwards, trying to live up to his family and kingdom's national emblem, the courageous fire breathing Pendragon.

"Gauis, I (coughing from the back) sorry _we_, need to ask you some very important questions. Maybe you should sit down, as this will take a while and..."

"And what? _What_ were you going to say?

"And you're not exactly young?" Arthur cleared his throat at the end, hoping to convey the impression that he had a sore throat, which was why his voice went a bit funny at the end. It had came out a lot higher than Arthur meant it to, but _not_ because Gauis scared him. Not at all.

Gauis seemed to go slightly red in the face and visibly breathed slowly in and out before saying stiffly;

"Get on with what you wanted, otherwise I will go where _bumbling idiots_ will _not_ burst in and disturb me in life saving work."

Gauis seemed to give a pointed look at Arthur especially, but Arthur thought it _must_ have been a mistake. He wasn't the bumbling idiot, Merlin was, and thankfully, Merlin wasn't here. Instead, he was busy mucking out the stables or polishing and sharpening the swords and armour.

Hearing a quiet laughter behind him, Arthur turned to glare at the offenders but all looked back with incredibly straight faces. Arthur shook his head slightly to clear the thought as he obviously must have imagined it, before reluctantly facing Gauis.

"Anyway, like we were saying, we need to ask you some _serious _questions, about Merlin."

Gauis sighed, and settled down on the chair that coincidently, was just behind him. He motioned to Arthur and said wearily

"Continue, I think I know where this is going."

"So you have noticed there is something wrong with Merlin as well?"

Gauis face fell a little when he heard that question, then slowly replied, choosing his words carefully;

"Yes I have noticed that Merlin isn't his usual self, but-"

"So you know what's wrong then? We're all worried about our mate, even princess here."

Gauis looked straight past Arthur to Gwaine, and his eyes softened slightly as he said

"I do have an idea about what is wrong-"

"Great! Could you please tell us so we can make it better?"

"Yep, we'll certainly make it better. If someone is threatening our Merlin, well... they will be in _big_ trouble." Gwaine radiated menace and concern at the moment, and as he finished his little speech, the other knights began to flex their muscles threateningly –yes even Leon-. Arthur might have laughed if it wasn't such a serious situation.

"_No one_ is threatening Merlin Gwaine, so there is no need to worry. Now, I really need to get going, as being an _old man_ makes sure that I travel slower than I did when I was younger, and I need to see a patient that has just given birth to twins, to make sure nothing has gone wrong."

With that finishing touch, Gauis picked up his physician's bag and practically stormed out the door (but at an elderly pace). As he passed the knights, they all purposely walked out of his way, and even held the door open to let him go past. It was funny to see that not only Arthur was scared of Gauis.

Only after Gauis left did Arthur realise; he had never told them what the matter was with Merlin.

* * *

"The intake of grain this year has been..."

"But I disagree! Indeed it has definitely..."

Arthur felt a sharp pointy object dig into his side, and glancing over, saw Gwen looking mischievously at him, retracting her elbow, having done its purpose of keeping Arthur awake. She shook her head in disappointment as Arthur rubbed her eyes, trying to get all the sleep out of them.

It wasn't as if it was his fault he had managed to fall asleep, to be honest, he had no idea how his father, or indeed, Leon (who was sitting across from him looking on attentively at the proceedings) could seem interested and not fall asleep. It was soo _dull_!

Gwen however was another matter. Ever since she had become queen, she had taken an active role in the council meetings, often joining in with the current discussions. She was trying so hard to gain the approval of stuffy old men, who to be honest, didn't really matter.

"So now that we have finally sorted out the grain, I have a complaint to make on the topic of the types of stones used on the floor. It has come to my attention..."

Arthur had sat up at the start of the sentence thinking that he could finally escape from the hell that was group discussions, but then the arrogant lord continued, and Arthur edged back down into his throne, blocking out the conversation. Now and then, one or two statements penetrated the fog of Arthur's mind, but then he quickly lost track of the talk once he had established it still was tedious.

"I completely disagree, doesn't everyone think that cobbles are better..."

"Flagstones are more superior! Every able minded human knows that the..."

"Your highness, what do you think?"

Realising that someone had spoken his name, Arthur shook himself from his day dream of taking Gwen out for a ride in the woods, and looked up, to see the two lords clearly expecting an answer on some ridiculous topic.

Arthur opened his mouth, with no idea what to say, before someone came to his rescue.

"I think that we should let the people decide, as after all, they will be the ones who will have to tread the stones day after day, so they will have more knowledge as which is better in the winter. Don't you think so dear?"

Gwen turned to Arthur, and he nodded hastily saying

"I agree with the queen. We will send out a census to the lower towns tomorrow. If that is it, I suggest we adjourn till another day. Good bye!"

Without waiting for a reply, Arthur stalked out of the hall and set off towards his chambers, where he could hopefully rest before completely more of his royal duties.

A few minutes later, he heard soft footsteps behind him, and slowing down slightly, waited until Gwen caught up with him, before resuming his original pace.

"Thank you my dear, for interrupting the lords so I didn't have to speak. I had not had a clue what they were on about!"

"Then you should not have fallen asleep then!"

"But it was so _boring!"_ Arthur practically whined as his pace gradually decreasing as his temper left him.

"Arthur!" Genevieve reprimanded, "Do not speak like that in public! I would have you know that I found it _fascinating,_ especially the point when the type of stone was discussed."

Arthur simply looked at her disbelievingly, and Gwen lasted a full minute keeping a straight face, until she collapsed with laughter. After searching the corridor in case anyone was watching, Arthur burst out with laughter too.

* * *

They were snorting with laughter when they arrived at their quarters, and just when they had got their emotions under control, they saw the guards' bemused faces, and the manic chuckles started up.

Unbelievingly, Arthur had forgotten the most important event of the day, lunch. So to say he was surprised was an understatement.

Even though it was unexpected, he conducted himself civilly as he sat down eagerly for the lovely array of dishes spread out in front of him, until he saw who was serving. Then good manners went completely out of the window.

Merlin had something on his clothes, but on closer inspection, Arthur realised it was _everywhere._ On the closer, boots, hands, skin, even his _hair_. The black scruffy hair seemed to be multicoloured.

"Merlin! Why do you have paint on your face?"

* * *

**So did you all like it? I was going to reinterrogate Gauis again, but it would have to be in someone's POV, and would have been a REALLY long chapter, as I would had to include some things he had notices. But oh well!**

**In response to Guest (whoever you may be) – Gwaine does have a reason for acting like this, as he would have been hurt about not knowing Merlin's secret, plus I get the impression he is a bit childish. He would not have thought of the nature or the consequences of the secret until it was too late, but i will explain it later in detail.**

**swimmerGirl07726- I have no idea how the actually reveal will play out, so it will be by ear. The scars will have an important part of it, but i don't know if it will be THE thing, if you know what I mean**

**I cant remember who said this but anyway – I MIGHT bring back Freya... it depends**

**As always, please read and review, as because my life totally sucks, what you say makes my day! (hey that rhymes)**

**Until next time, 4Eirlys, signing out!**


	7. Hard Work Breeds A Harder Soul

**I went to see the film Captain Phillips yesterday. By god it was amazing! Even though I knew he survived, at sometimes I actually thought he was going to die. At the end, when he was in the lifeboat surrounded by pirates, thinking he was going to die so he broke down, well... Tom Hanks definitely deserves an Oscar.**

**I think the film affected what I had written because... well you'll see! **

In Memory Of the Fallen

Chapter 7-Hard Work Breeds a Hardened Soul

Gaius POV

Gaius' back ached. And the unfortunate thing about it was that although he was the court physician, he couldn't do anything about it. Old age was _pretty hard _to cure. Unless, of course you were _'blessed'_ with immortality, like for instance, Merlin.

Merlin. The son he never had, (but thankfully Hunith did). Gaius loved Merlin like family, which he was. They had never told anyone about the fact that Hunith was Gaius' sister, as it meant that all of their enemies – and combined together that was about a third of the total population- would use the other as leverage to do their dirty work.

He sighed, as he thought about Merlin. One who was that young should not have such a weight of destiny thrust upon them. Merlin was only a young boy when he first came to Camelot, but he had had to grow up pretty fast. Merlin had lost too many loved ones, and soon, he knew, Merlin would come to his breaking point. In one instant he would snap; and everything will have changed.

Gaius still felt the guilt everyday when he turned in Merlin's beloved. He had acted in Merlin's best interests, but after he saw how the Bastet and Merlin reacted when they were near together, Gaius knew that he should have found a different way. Merlin should not have had his lover taken away from him on that fateful day.

He knew that two days ago was when she died, and he felt for Merlin. Having to act normal everyday of his life, he deserved to have the day off, but instead he had to go on a hunting trip. Gaius hadn't been there when Merlin had returned home, as he was assisting a birth in the lower town, consequently, when he came back, he found the note saying that he had gone out looking for _herbs._

Then Arthur and the knights came to call, wanting to find out the answers to Merlin's problems. Gaius had managed to successfully distract them by giving the 'I – have – very – important – work' lecture, which had driven them off, and Gaius had thought optimistically, that that would be the end of it. He was wrong...

* * *

Gaius walked quickly through the main entrance hall, eager to get back to his quarters where he could relax after spending his day doing his rounds. He skirted with his back to the wall, trying to remain anonymous as a bunch of knights had entered from another exit, and were nosily making their way through to the other side.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he made it to the other side, and as he continued up the steps, Gaius thought he had got home free.

He started to walk faster when he heard another man's footsteps coming from behind him. Faster and faster, until he was practically speed walking and still, the echoes of the steps followed him. After speedily rounding three corners and dodging into a door way to another empty corridor, Gauis eventually slowed down to a plod, and then a stop, leaning against the wall to try and catch his breath.

He controlled his breathing so it became silent, then stood still for a moment, trying to discern whether his tail had stopped following and became lost. For a few blissful seconds, there was complete quiet, until a voice sounded right behind him, making him jump.

"I almost missed you Gaius, whoever knew you could walk that fast for one of your state!"

"What a pity." Gauis deadpanned.

"What are you doing hiding away like that? Anyone would think you were trying to avoid me!"

Gaius reluctantly turned round, where he saw the smiling face of Sir Gwaine _right_ in front of him. He reared back in surprise then said sharply;

"Sir Gwaine! What a... pleasant surprise to see you there! Now, if you excuse me, I need to go and do some urgent tasks."

"Of course, of course. I will let you go as soon as you tell me what the matter is with Merlin. I am _not_ as daft as everybody thinks I am."

"Really? You're conveying that impression extremely well!"

For a split second, Gaius saw hurt in Gwaine's eyes, but then it was immediately masked and he continued like nothing had happened. Gwaine acted so normal, it made Gaius wonder if he had imagined it.

"Why, thank you for that compliment! But I know what game you're playing, so stop distracting me and let's get back to my originally question; what is the matter with Merlin?"

Gaius desperately searched the corridor for _anybody_ that could help him escape the knights questioning, but there was no such luck. Unluckily, Gaius had stumbled into a deserted corridor that was not used that often, as it led to Morgana's old chambers.

After seeing no one at all, he swivelled back to the knight, who had been watching his desperation in amusement, still waiting for Gaius to reply. A few seconds passed, with Gaius frantically trying to devise a way out of it, but before he could act on one of his plans, Gwaine spoke again, his tone like the knight that he was would of used, courteous and pleasant.

"We haven't got all day Gaius. Do you not have some important medical work to be done?"

He began tapping his foot, putting on an exaggerated performance of impatience. Unwillingly, Gaius finally complied with Gwaine's demands and began to formulate something that would get Gwaine off his -and hopefully Merlin's-back.

"Can I be truthful with you, Sir Gwaine? You are one of the people that I can most closely associate with Merlin."

Gwaine looked mildly surprised at the statement, and then quickly nodded his head in affirmation.

"Do you promise not to repeat anything I say to your fellow knights?"

"Yes." Gwaine said instantly, and then started to lean forward in anticipation, expecting great things from Gaius' answer.

* * *

"Merlin... has a great burden that he bears, alone. No one can even _begin_ to comprehend the weight he carries on his shoulders, no one. He walks on through life, seemingly never changing as he goes through the joy, happiness, love, hate, and loss that you all share. Never wavering, never failing from the path that he walks."

Gwaine began to open his mouth to say something in reply, but Gaius cut through, continuing his speech.

"But he does change, on the inside. Little by little, his innocence, his _purity_ and belief that all beings have a shed of goodness, of _humanity_, slowly vanishes out of his life. The impossible anger to all that are unjust, those who use ordinary beings for their own gain. He has been injured more than once, both physically and mentally, as he fights for the light. He walks a thin tightrope between life and death, and if he topples, Camelot and all goodness, all light, will fall with him and plunge down, never stopping."

What Gaius had first intended to do when he opened his mouth was to convince Merlin to be left alone, but then the words kept on coming and coming. Gaius was pouring out his heart and his worries, to one of the people that might be able to help Merlin before it was too late. The Goddesses knew how much he had tried, but he knew that it wasn't good enough.

"People, like Merlin, are ridiculed for emotions that they show on their faces, so he is forced to keep the real, most private ones hidden. Have you ever seen him cry, or see him hurting after a fight between bandits? He has suffered loss like no one else, and still, he walks on, ever smiling, ever happy, while the conflict inside him grows, light and dark eternally battling for dominance.

Darkness has more than once tried to claim him for its own, but each time, he fought them valiantly off, but for other people and never for himself. Everyone knows about his endless loyalty to the King and Camelot, to its people, to me and to you. There are people out there that want to exploit that, to use it for evil's own gain, because, if they are able to turn Merlin, they will never be defeated or vanquished, for once you have gained Merlin's loyalty, and you will have it forever."

Gwaine had gone silent now, stunned as Gauis continued, letting it all out, unable to stop himself now that he had started.

"I once said to Merlin that hard work breeds a hard soul, and never, until recently, I realised that it was true. A young boy first came into Camelot years ago, where he was young, innocent, and to a certain extent free. As the years have gone by, he had sacrificed more then you can imagine; people close to his heart, his soul, his _being_. He gave his freedom and life for Camelot, never expecting or receiving any gratitude in return, never seeking any thanks.

He is one of the most selfless people on earth, never doing anything for himself, and still, life does not turn his way and treat him kindly. More than once, he has cried, pleaded, _begged_ for something right to go his way, as among all the pain he bears, doesn't Merlin _deserve_ a shred of hope among the darkness that surrounds him?"

Here, Gwaine gave a start in surprise, for now Gaius addressed him by his name, and spoke so direct, it seemed to piece his soul.

"You, Sir Gwaine, in the true sense of the word, are one of the freest people I have ever met. In a way, you remind of a younger Merlin, although never with the drinking problems. You stand up for what is right, and what you believe in. You have a strong moral compass, and now right from wrong, and can even see certain areas of grey. For you, laughter is the best medicine that can be given, and to a certain extent, you are right.

You see Merlin hurting, when his mask has faltered for a second, so you decide to make him better, by the only way you know; by laughter, and teasing. You tease Merlin, trying to get a good reaction out of him, so that everything can go back to normal, but sometimes, I think that you don't _truly_ understand how your words will affect Merlin and that on occasion, Merlin doesn't need laughter, and he needs a friend. One that who will help him lighten the burden he will forever carry, which will eventually crush his soul.

Another person who was close to Merlin helped, but even he struggled with the enormous weight, and he was one of the strongest and bravest men I ever knew. After many years of working together, he eventually gave his life for Merlin, as he believed so utterly in Merlin's beliefs and purpose, he _knew_ that Merlin was more worthy of life then himself. So he sacrificed himself instead of what they originally had planned, which was for Merlin to die. In a way, it would have realised him from the debt that we owe him, and he would have been free. I owe that young man a great debt, as to all of us, as for a short time, Merlin had someone else to support him, give guidance, and for Merlin to let out his feelings. He truly was a noble man.

In concern you have asked me what is wrong with Merlin, as on one faithful day, his mask had faltered, then failed altogether, and it frighten you didn't it? All the loss, pain, and the one spark of hope that fades by the day. I cannot let you depart with the complete knowledge of what Merlin has gone through, as it is not my tale to tell, but his."

"Then..." Gwaine seemed to be lost for words, as he struggled to deal with all the knowledge that Gaius had so sadly blessed him with. "Then if you cannot tell me, bound as you are by your loyalty to Merlin, can I at least help him like the gallant noble man? Can I take some of his load, so he does not continue to struggle onwards as the weight has lightened?"

"You and the other knights dared to barge in and demand to know about Merlin and his life. You are hurt that Merlin has never shared the secrets that he holds close to his heart and soul. Perhaps, you have shared your secrets with him, and had felt relief at someone else knowing.

Now imagine that secret, and times it tenfold, then twentyfold, then a thousand times fold. Now, you might be beginning to comprehend the enormity of the situation.

"The secret of yours that I mentioned earlier, have you ever told it to someone else apart from Merlin?"

Gwaine shook his head in reply, and seeing this, Gaius continued;

"Not even to your closest friends, the knights of the round table?"

Again, Gwaine shook his head, and Gaius almost thought he saw shame written in his eyes.

"But you criticise Merlin for not telling you, or Arthur, or anybody else?"

Understanding finally dawned in Gwaine's eyes, as he began to heed the words that Gauis was saying.

"_Maybe_ the reason why Merlin hasn't told you is because he is protecting you, and protecting your friends and family. _Maybe_ he doesn't want people to choose; either the lovable, harmful, innocent manservant, or the great city and kingdom that you have pledged to protect. _Maybe,_ you haven't given him a good enough reason to make him trust you _properly_, like the brave and noble man I mentioned earlier. Think on that Gwaine, think on it."

With that, Gauis turned away, and started to walk down the corridor, back to his chambers, back to Merlin.

* * *

Opening the door, Gaius strode into the room, making sure not to knock anything over as he passed through the narrow gap in between the bench and the counter full of phials. He set down his satchel carefully, then seeing the lunch that he had set out for Merlin earlier still remained untouched he frowned, before removing the stew from the bowl and replacing it back into the big pot from whence it came.

Suddenly, a scratching noise reverberated throughout the room and Gaius looked up, where he found Merlin's door slightly a jar, but when he had first came in, he was convinced it was shut.

"Merlin?" Gauis started to move slowly towards the door, in case something truly unexpected and slightly strange came out. He had been taught a lesson after accidently unleashing the stone dog into the bigger room. It had been a _nightmare_ to get it back.

No reply came, so Gauis called again, worry now present in his voice;

"Merlin, is that you?"

Still, no reply, and as the scratching noise came again, Gaius moved quicker towards the door, but still keeping his back to the wall, so he wasn't in harm's way.

Gauis decided to call out one more time before walking up the steps, as it would be hard to run down them in terror if some evil monster came rampaging down them.

"Merlin, is that you? Answer me otherwise I will come up there!"

Silence fell, and the question was not answered. Cautiously, Gauis crept up the stairs, and paused before knocking on the door. The scratching was more prominent now, with a few other _special _sounds, like the occasional squelch and a dry, brushing sound.

Gaius opened the door, and gasped in surprise and wonder. What he saw was so _beautiful_, so detailed; that he wondered for a moment if Merlin had stole it from some great artist. Then he beheld the sight of Merlin busy at work, dabbing his paint brush and applying it to the canvas, with his tongue poking out at one side, which Gaius knew happened when he was busy concentrating.

Gaius smiled softly, before softly closing the door and crept back down the stairs.

Merlin had created something wondrous, beautiful and new, all to commemorate in memory of the fallen.

* * *

**I promise you, I did NOT mean for Gaius' rant to go on for that long, it's just that I wanted Gwaine and Gaius to have a moment, and combined with listening to "Feed The Birds" from Mary Poppins and Captain Phillips, gives you a huge amount of raw emotions.**

**Please, remember to review (it really amazes me what everybody thinks)!**

**Keeeeep Reading!**


	8. Colours of Their Ways

**Arghh! I have just gone back and looked over the story online and have found out that my separators do not show! Can someone suggest something that will work? It shows up on the document, but when I publish it, it disappears.**

In Memory Of the Fallen

Chapter 8-Colours of Their Ways

Merlin's POV

Merlin closed his eyes as he stood in front of the empty canvas, a pallet filled with different colour paints that was perilously close to tipping over in one hand and a paint brush held in the other.

Slowly, he breathed in and relaxed as he let the magic do its work. His magic rushed though out his whole body, as it worked to do his bidding. His spacial awareness, grew suddenly and then sharpened to a crystal clear point. He 'directed' in all towards the canvas placed in front.

Still with his eyes closed, Merlin gathered all the memories of his friends and family, the good and the bad, the light and the dark, and bound them together, reliving them over and over again. He pictured them there in his mind's eye as he started to smile.

Merlin dabbed his paint brush into a colour, then applied it to the canvas. The second he _felt_ the moment the brush contacted the board, he unleashed _all _of his magic.

Magic hyped up his emotions and enhanced his senses, so it enabled him to draw better. He didn't need to _see_ to paint; in fact, Merlin found that it was more distracting when his eyes were open as his brain received two images, one of poor quality compared to the beautiful colours the other depicted.

The colours that he made and used flittered through his mind, blurring together yet remaining crystal clear. When he need colours that were not there, he made and mixed them himself, once seemingly spending an age trying to get the perfect cool ice grey-blue before being satisfied and applying it carefully.

* * *

It seemed to Merlin that he had spent only minutes painting, but when he opened his eyes after feeling a cool, damp against his stomach (unconsciously, he had dripped substances all over him when he had replenished the paint using magic) he looked out of his window, finding it to have a dark streak in the sky. He had been painting all through the night, yet he didn't feel tired. In fact, Merlin felt _great, refreshed_ somehow, as if he had just finished exercising_._

Unhappily, Merlin carefully put down the pallet and paintbrush, making sure he put in out of harm's way, where he would have a hard time knocking it over, or another disastrous incident causing it to fall in bad condition.

Looking down, Merlin found that the damp spot on his shirt had gone wider, so it almost covered his stomach, but upon realising that it was a red paint, and he was wearing the same colour shirt, he decided it didn't matter. However, he did clean his face and some of his arms, so he looked mildly respectable before bounding out the door, eager to complete his work early so he could go back to painting.

* * *

"Merlin! There you are, I was just getting worried that you weren't going to turn up for work today. Now, the knights and I have a group training exercise that you will not be taking part in."

Merlin breathed a thankful sigh at that, but quickly became attentive again when Arthur regained his attention in the only way he can –by hitting him.

"Now, whilst we are in training, I want you to muck out the stables, clean my clothes, scrub this floor and tidy up as I can barely see the floor and my desk underneath all of this mess. Oh and Merlin? I also want you to clean the looking glass, as I cannot see what a handsome man I am with all of that dirt on it."

"Yes sire." Merlin said, barely able to contain his giggles.

"Good good, now off you go as you have a lot of chores do be getting on with and if you do not complete them by... mid afternoon, I'll put you into the stocks!"

"Right... Right." Merlin replied absentmindedly, and then discovering what was bugging him said cheerfully,

"Bye!"

He quickly hurried to the door to escape from Arthur and casted one last look behind him at the royal monarch before stepping outside.

* * *

Two hours after Merlin had seen Arthur, he bounded eagerly back up the stairs to his room, banging the door behind him. Luckily, Arthur had forgotten that he had asked Merlin to clean out the stables yesterday, so Merlin quickly scrubbed the floor and brought the looking glass and stinking washing back for his magic to clean whilst he continued painting.

Remembering that he had plonked the paintbrush and pallet in a special place, Merlin looked around as he struggled to remember where he had put them. After a couple of futile minutes wasted, his eyes finally glowed gold and a hot white glow came from underneath the bead.

He retrieved them anxiously when he recalled that he had tripped on an object from underneath the bed when he had walked out the door, but remained satisfied when he inspected the pallet and brush. Nothing was broken.

Sighing, Merlin looked at the artwork he had done so far, and frowning, he started to criticise it.

"His colour of the eyes are wrong, they were a warmer brown, almost like honey..."

"Hair needs to be more wavy, with a little flick with his fringe..."

"Wasn't just streaks of grey, there needs to be tinted brown..."

"Skin was more creamy, just like milk with a hint of a glow, like moonlight..."

Nodding to himself as he talked out loud, Merlin committed the faults to his short term memory, to help improve the painting and once again, closed his eyes to get ready.

Conjuring up the feelings of love, happiness and joy, Merlin held the memories in his head and applied the emotions to his magic, boosting the power further.

Immersing himself in the creating of a masterpiece, Merlin wasn't aware of what was happening in the real world. The wards he placed around the room held in place, so no unwelcome intruders entered.

* * *

When his wards were finally disturbed, Merlin looked up immediately to see Gauis framed in the doorway against bright sunlight.

"Merlin, Merlin! You have to go and serve the king and queen their lunch time meal."

Merlin gazed at Gauis confused. "It's nowhere near time to go; the bells haven't even rang yet!"

"Have you even _looked _outside since you came in here?"

In reflex, Merlin looked outside, and what he saw made him stand bolt upright, his legs twinging as he did so.

"Damn it. Arthur. Gwen. Arthur is going to be so _mad _at me. Good thing I did the washed the clothes and cleaned the glass before I came back here." Merlin babbled as he raced around the room collecting the now clean and folded neatly washing and the bright, shining glass.

"Merlin? You have –"

"Yes yes, I'll do it later Gaius I promise!"

With that, Merlin dashed out the door to see the no doubt, grumpy King.

* * *

"Merlin! Why do you have paint on your face?"

Merlin froze in surprise as he stood there, staring at Arthur who was sitting down eating.

"Sorry I was wrong, you actual managed to get the paint also on your shirt, trousers, arms... you have it _everywhere_."

Each time Arthur named a body part, Merlin reflexively looked at it, having a dumbfounded look upon his face.

"How on earth have I managed it to get the red in my _hair?_ Mused Merlin out loud as he pulled some of the strands towards his eyes so he could see what the king was on about.

"It must have been when I managed to splash the blue on my face and I wiped my eyes to get it out..."

Gwen interrupted with an amused smile on her face as she beheld Merlin's puzzled face.

"What have you been doing to get so messy Merlin?"

"Yes, were you painting a pretty picture?" Arthur added jokingly helping himself to some pork pie.

"Yes I have been, in commemoration..."

"Commemoration of what?" Arthur said with a quizzical look on the dollop head's face.

"Uh..." Merlin realised what he had said when he was not concentrating fully on the conversation. Silently he cursed himself as his mind raced with how to get out of the sticky situation.

"It was in honour of some people I know... It was their anniversary recently and I wanted to do something special and meaningful."

"Oh, that is such a wonderful idea!" Gwen said, looking very interested. "I never knew that you could paint Merlin!"

"Well not very well anyway," Merlin said truthfully. "It's my impression of them, but I just can't capture some of the characteristics..."

"What's the subject that you are painting?" Gwen asked, looking excited.

"It is all the important people in their lives. Their family, close friends, loved ones..."

Merlin tailed off, lost in thought as he began thinking of the painting.

"Wonderful! Perhaps I can come down and see it at some point?" She asked eagerly as she speared a piece of salad.

"Yes... yes, I never knew that you could paint, so it would be interesting to see how much artistic skill you have. After all, you have to be good at _something._" Arthur injected, haven been quiet chewing a particularly large mouthful of boar whilst Gwen and Merlin were chatting away.

"I can't really see the point, as most of the people who are depicted, you have never met of spared a second glance at them, and so you wouldn't know what they truly look like..."

Merlin tailed of delicately, hoping that the king and queen would get the hint and leave it alone.

"That doesn't matter that much Merlin! I am sure it will be very good anyway." Gwen said after swallowing a bit of hardboiled egg.

"Plus... The person who I'm painting it for wants to be the first person to see it in all its 'glory'."When he said that, Merlin hated the disappointed look on Guinevere's face so added hastily. "Maybe after they have seen it, you might be able to look."

It wasn't that Gwen was at fault; it was simply that his secrets will begin to come to light and be out once she had seen the painting and Merlin wasn't ready for that yet. Not quite.

"I see... Thank you anyway, Merlin for trying." She gave Merlin a sad smile as she tried to keep her disappointment hidden from him. Merlin felt a stab of guilt at that, for even after denying her access, she was still being just as nice and as lovely as well... _Gwen_. It was simply who she was.

"I am sorry, your majesty." Merlin bowed his head, being truthful in his words, and then quickly walked out of the chambers after he cleared all the plates away.

* * *

As he was walking back up to where the painting was residing, Merlin walked past Gwaine who was looking confusedly out of a courtyard window.

"Hello Gwaine!" Merlin said as he walked by, trying to take of the puzzling look on Gwaine's face. It didn't seem natural to be there, as Gwaine wasn't really _that_ big a thinker.

"Merlin."

The reply came swiftly, with something in Gwaine's voice that Merlin couldn't understand. He looked back, to see Gwaine watching him with a weird expression on his face.

"Gwaine, are you alright? Is there something wrong?"

Merlin watched Gwaine as he seemed to struggle with inner turmoil, and then finally said out loud.

"Do you think that Lancelot was the noblest man you ever knew?"

Merlin looked at Gwaine in shock after hearing what he said, then immediately answered with feeling.

"Yes, I do. He was the noblest man I ever had the honour of knowing."

"Thank you, Merlin... Thank you. You helped me to clear up an important matter..."

With that Gwaine resumed staring out of the window, and Merlin shook his head as he continued along his way.

* * *

**How was that? I promise to answer your entire questions next chapter, but I warn you; it will be tricky to update all next week as I'm doing a music course, but will write everything down in a journal. Thanks you for reviewing so much in the last chapter, it was amazing what views I got!**


	9. Windmills of Your Mind

**Hello! Your first update since... I don't know –and I can't be bothered to check). This is probably the hardest piece I have written so far (even though it hasn't been much), but I think listening to Donna Noble's final scene from Doctor Who might of affected my writing, especially when I was full out crying. Anyway, enough rambling, here you are!**

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 9-Windmills of Your Mind

Gwaine's POV

Gwaine stood in front of a window that looked out into the courtyard. His eyes were fixed on the bell tower, yet they were seeing nothing as he was lost in his thoughts. The stray bits of information that he had just received whirled round and round in his head, each presenting itself and seemingly fitting a 'simple' pattern with the other pieces, before being rearranged and lost as another pattern and possible explanation took its place.

The reason that his head was pounding so hard he felt like breaking something as it seemed that the _whole world_ had just changed? Merlin.

The first _true_ friend that Gwaine had ever had, the first person Gwaine had willingly shared _his_ secret to. It was also the guy that was always so _happy_, so joyous, the man with the idiotic grin that he shared at _everyone_, the bloke that somehow managed to trip over thin _air._

Gwaine smiled as his mind presented an image of Merlin with his bubbly smile as he grinned at Gwaine and Percival when he had caught them sneaking food from the kitchens. That was the Merlin that Gwaine knew, that everyone seemed to know, except the select few... Like Gauis.

His mind began to drift back to before he had _the_ conversation, when the world was _right (ish) _and _normal (if it was possible_) and they were just simply trying to cheer up Merlin.

* * *

Yesterday morning, Gwaine had arrived late at the knights gathering as he had been to the tavern the night before, trying to sort out his own feelings about Merlin and the plan that one of them had presented (was it Leon?)

He had woken up in his knightly chambers when the day was already underway and had quickly shoved some clothes on when he had realised what time it was. He had to pass the physician's chambers on the way there, but what he saw made him curious and slightly alarmed.

The door into Merlin's room was open, and it was slightly parallel with the opening into Gauis' chambers, and for a moment, Gwaine thought that he saw two gold gleaming eyes staring at him... until Gaius moved into his line of sight and back out, so when Gwaine caught another glimpse into Merlin's room, he only saw a normal, sturdy door with gleaming hinges. Gwaine hurriedly moved onwards, when Gaius again inched into his line of sight, not wanting the Physician to catch him loitering outside the door.

He was frowning when he found the knights all huddled at the other end of the courtyard, facing the rooms that Gwaine had just peeked in but he quickly forced a smile on his face and started up his usual banter to try and hide the growing confusion he was going through.

* * *

When Gaius had implied that Merlin was in danger, well... Gwaine began to see red. _No one_ threatened Merlin's safety, _no one_. Gwaine could _feel_ the menace that he projected, could almost _taste_ the aura of anger that crackled around him and his fellow knights who hated the injustice of Merlin in trouble.

So it had startled Gwaine when Gaius had addressed him directly in front of the knights, even though it seemed that he was directly contradicting himself.

"_No one_ is threatening Merlin, Gwaine!"

The no one was almost stressed, as if... as if the people who were endangering Merlin were not exactly _human._

This fact had puzzled Gwaine over training (the real one); so much that he _nearly_ lost a fight against one of the lower knights, so he had resolved to search out Gaius later. Gwaine was _pretty_ confident that on a one on one basis, Gaius would yield some more answers.

* * *

After the talk with Gaius, it had nearly made sure that Gwaine would leave Merlin alone. _Almost_.

The things that Gaius had told him though... it made Gwaine shiver and Goosebumps appearing all over his body as he remembered the voice that went with the words, the _meaning _behind what Gaius had said, as if there were more things left unspoken.

Gaius had told Gwaine that he seemed as daft as everyone else thought he was, and for a moment, Gwaine was nearly overcome by _hurt, _but quickly masked it and continued normally – well as normal as he will ever be-_._

Even though he spent _some _–fine, _most_- of his time at the tavern, it did _not_ make Gwaine an idiot who was insensitive to other people's feelings. Was it _his_ fault that he always looked on the bright side of life? No.

The accusation that Merlin didn't trust him fully had hurt Gwaine more then he could say, or show. What could be so _terrible_ that he would have to choose between Merlin and Camelot? Hadn't Gwaine _shown_ Merlin that he could trust him? He had told him his greatest secret, which he had never bequeathed it to anyone else, but _that_ wasn't good enough?

It made him wonder what could be so _terrible_ and _all consuming_ to Merlin, Gaius and co. Did he _really_ want to find out? Or was he just curious, wanting desperately to hold something up against all the other knights and Arthur, to emphasise how much more _special_ their relationship was and to be in the select group of people who were/are in the know, like Gaius and the mysterious noble man?

The way that Gaius had mentioned the honourable man, with so much _feeling_, of loss, gratitude and sadness, the way that he almost seemed _angry_ when he had spoke of him; Gwaine wondered if he had ever met this guy who was 'one of the strongest and bravest man_ I_ knew... owe that young man a great debt, as do all of us... he _truly_ was a noble man.'

Had Gwaine met him but passed him by, not sparing him a second glance? Had he once fought with him, for the same man, yet for different reasons? Or was it a knight like himself, one of the nameless who had fallen in battle, or who gave their life for a worthy cause?

A thought in the back of Gwaine's mind began to speak more persistently, demanding to be heard and slowly, ever so slowly, Gwaine began to construct a new idea, which might be able to solve one of the mysteries that Gaius had presented him.

Gwaine was still pondering over the pieces that did so uncannily fitted together, until he was distracted from his raging thoughts by a cheerful voice behind him saying;

"Hello Gwaine!"

It was..."Merlin."

Gwaine turned around, and looked towards the said person and the one that he had been thinking. Suddenly, Gwaine saw Merlin in a new light. Now that he had a vague idea of what went on behind the shadows, he could _see_ more. The frame that was so skinny, with his clothes slightly baggy and a red stain on his shirt. Was that blood from a wound that Merlin hadn't told anyone about?

Then Gwaine looked into those cobalt blue eyes, which at that point radiated concern and worry for his 'friend' and wondered.

The words came blurting out of his mouth, as Gwaine desperately wanted confirmation to what he _thoug_ht was true, until relatively recently.

If it was right, then yes, Gwaine had indeed met him, had even became his friend. In fact, the whole of Camelot knew who he was. Who better to ask if it was correct then the man who had been one of his closest friends and had eventually caused the Noble to give his life in return for everything that Merlin had done

"Do you think that Lancelot was the noblest man you ever knew?"

Merlin seemed too look at Gwaine in shock, them immediately answered with a heck of a lot of feeling;

"Yes, I do. He was the noblest man I ever had the honour of knowing."

And in that one instant, that one moment of clarity, Gwaine saw _how much_ Merlin had missed, _still_ missed, even, Lancelot.

"Thank you, Merlin... Thank you. You helped me to clear up an important matter..."

Gwaine trailed off as his thoughts began to consume him once more, and resumed to stare out of the window. He was aware of Merlin moving back down the corridor, but only when he disappeared out of sight and the footsteps fading did he truly relax.

Gwaine's suspicions had been right; it _was_ Lancelot who Gaius was talking about. And that made him _ver_y confused and question all of his beliefs and the happenings that had... well _happened. _

Yes, Lancelot _did_ give his life to seal the veil and Gwaine and the whole of Camelot will always be grateful for it. He had always thought that Lancelot was loyal, yes, but he never would have guessed that he would give his life, leaving Gwen behind, but now Gwaine did understand. He didn't give his life up for Guinevere or Arthur, or the other knights, or for the people. He gave himself for _Merlin._ He had _totally_ and _utterly_ believed in whatever Merlin was doing. The thought almost made Gwaine shed a tear.

But if Lancelot _truly_ was a noble man, then why did he commit adulturism with Guinevere? Unless... Unless he had been bewitched or cursed. After all, you cannot expect a person to come back from the dead and remain the same, can you?

Now that Gwaine had thought about it, he wondered how he –or indeed, anyone else- had never noticed that fact before. No one can come back from the dead, no one. You would have to be immortal, or brought back by sorcery.

Arthur, Elyan, Leon, Percival, Guinevere, the whole of Camelot, even himself, had a distortion of the real events that happened. They never knew what might have happened, apart from Merlin and Gaius, and they had kept quiet.

Now, Gwaine remembered the look on Merlin's and Gaius' face as they found out about the events that occurred. The heartbreaking loss, disappointment and the acceptance of fate had all appeared on their faces, but none more strongly than on Merlin's. Gwaine had _never_ comforted him about the loss of one of their friends and comrades. Perhaps that was one of the times that he hadn't acted as a true friend would have, like Gaius had mentioned.

So Gwaine decided that he would start to prove himself; by paying a visit to Gaius.

* * *

"Back again I see?"

"I know! I just can't get enough!" Gwaine tried for his usual jokingly banter, but it didn't come out like it normally did.

"What do you want this time?" Gaius asked in vague annoyance as he was busily preparing a disgustingly looking potion for some unlucky soul to consume.

"I'm here about something that you said to me earlier, when I cornered you, which by the way" Gwaine added, as he saw Gaius opening his mouth, "I am sorry about. It was thoughtless of me."

"I cannot tell you more about Mer-"

"I'm not here 'bout Merlin." Gwaine interrupted, causing Gaius to look at him in shock.

"I'm here about something that you said earlier. You see, I've been thinking -"

Now it was Gaius' turn to interrupt Gwaine, snorting in such a un-Gaius-like manner that when Gwaine turned to look at him, he found Gaius turning away with his shoulders shaking.

"You, thinking? Don't stress yourself working your miniscule brain!"

"I _do not_ have a tiny brain! It is a very big one!"

"You just don't use it." Gaius muttered as he went back to making his potion.

"Anyway, I've been thinking, (Gwaine gave a pointed glare at Gaius who ignored it) about what you had said to me earlier, and in particular, about the man who gave his life so Merlin wouldn't sacrifice himself. Was he... was he Lancelot?"

The old physician's fingers stopped tipping in some red petals and froze when he heard what Gwaine had said, before resuming his task. As he was still bent over the table, Gwaine couldn't tell what expression Gaius had on his face, but he could imagine.

"Yes, he was." Gaius said in a measured tone, his voice neutral.

"I always knew that good ol' Lance had noble intentions, but I never knew he was _that_ good a guy. Giving his life for Merlin, he truly was braver and more honourable then we gave him credit." Gwaine murmured to himself, finally having one of the mysteries confirmed.

"Will you tell me... will you tell me about what happened when he returned from the dead?" Gwaine said quietly, hardly daring to breathe as he waited anxiously for the old man's reply.

"The whole of Camelot knows about the events that proceeded. Even you could not have missed out on what had happened." Gaius' tine was sharp and condescending, but Gwaine thought he could detect a hint of anticipation, so cautiously, he replied.

"I want to know the _true_ events that occurred and the reasons behind his actions."

Finally, Gaius turned around and Gwaine could see his face clearly. The old man's weather beaten face wore a look of complete and utter shock, with a tiny bit of hope.

"Very well, I shall tell you. But keep your voice down, no matter what I may tell you, as Merlin is in his room and you _cannot _disturb him. Do you promise to accept the truth, no matter if it contradicts your previous beliefs?"

Immediately Gwaine replied without hesitating "Of course. I give my word as a knight."

* * *

As he exited the room which he had just spent the better part of two hours in, listening to what Gaius had told him about the true events that had gone on, Gwaine walked purposely towards his sleeping quarters, where he would finally relax.

His thoughts wind milled in his head as they all scrabbled to regain their balance, after being disrupted so thoroughly, but one clear and consistent thread remained stubbornly in the forefront of his mind, even when he was lying down, trying to get to sleep.

Merlin. His first and true friend who always had a kind word to anyone that deserved it.

Coincidently, he was the same person who had suffered greatly beyond Gwaine's imagining. Who had a burden that no one else could even begin to comprehend, or share. Who walked alone on the path he took, yet travelled with a company of men. Well no more, Gwaine decided.

No more would Merlin walk alone on the path that was full of shrouded mysteries and the deepest, darkest shadows. Gwaine was going to help him, even if it meant he had to sacrifice himself, just like Lancelot. He would do _anything_, _anything_ for his first true friend, Merlin.

* * *

**So how was it? I somehow managed to sneak in the comic relief song, I just can't get enough, and Noel Harrison's song - The windmills of your mind (although to be fair the chapter is called that so...)**

**Please update as some of your reviews truly astound me!**

**(I've just remembered that I said that I would answer people's questions, but I can't so that will have to wait until the next chapter).**

**Until whenever!**


	10. Attack of the Feathers

**I'm baack! After only four days as well! (I had a day off today, so I've written the bulk of it today). I hope you enjoyed it and I will answer your questions below! (Are you excited)?**

**I don't own Merlin. Yet.**

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 10-Attack of the feathers

Merlin's POV

After he had shown Arthur the sparkling clean looking glass and the flagstones that were so clean and polished you could almost see your face in them, he had brought the two royals dinner and helped Arthur to get changed before scampering off back to his room, where he could hide from everybody else and continued his newest hobby.

He didn't bother with eating dinner with Gaius as it seemed that when he used his magic for painting, it also sustained him, making him need no food or drink, or sleep for that matter, which Merlin found very useful, as it meant that the painting would be better as he would be 'in the zone' for longer, creating better likeness.

As per the last time, Merlin had started to criticise his debut as soon as he had entered the room. This time though, he did not take so long, as he had fixed some of the previous mistakes and now it was more a matter of which should it is...

"Blood red. It was blood red when I... hmmm, or maybe not. It's quite nice as that colour... but then again..."

"With the _sword_, Merlin... always were they with their 'precious' swords... Although who would go around with such pointy objects..."

"Happy... they were happy until..."

"The streaks, light and dark blond..."

"He should probably have more room up there... he was a good man after all... But then again he was always modest..."

"Maybe I should include... but then if someone went nosing around they might recognise..."

"The gold should be... more goldenly like... maybe with mystical..."

Merlin nodded to himself and then set his ideas to the canvas, letting him relax fully once more.

* * *

Merlin was already aware when it was time to get up. In fact, he was 'awake' before even Gaius had gotten up the next morning. Therefore, Merlin decided to be the good apprentice and make his mentor breakfast. He was feeling pretty hungry, which Merlin suspected was due to what happened last night.

He quickly readied the morning meal which they would usually of had, but when Merlin tasted it, it was well... it was disgusting, rank, inhospitable to eat. Whichever adjective he chose, it still had the same outcome. Inedible.

So, he decided as a reward for last night and Gaius' treat -Merlin felt guilty for ignoring him for so long-, he would put a little extra flavouring in it...

* * *

"Who's there?" Gaius croaked, when he heard somebody move noisily about.

"It's me Gaius! You're most favourite person in the whole wide world! The amazing man who saves Camelot, like, every week... or sometimes everyday!" Merlin said cheerfully as he waltzed around the room collecting the various items he needed.

"Not too sure about that middle comment... But, m' boy what are you doing up so early? I am usually the first one to awake and I have to get _you _up, which let me assure you, is no easy task."

"Well, you see, I was already awake and aware so I decided to make you breakfast!"

Merlin replied, now carefully checking the spoons they used to eat before laying them out on the table, (once the eating and medical spoons had been mixed up and well... Merlin didn't want to go there or even _think_ about it).

"That was a very kind thing of you to do, Merlin. Especially with what has been going on lately."

Merlin froze for a second, closing his eyes in pain, before returning to his usual cheery and bubbly self. From behind him, he could hear Gaius shuffling about, no doubt in the process of getting dressed.

After a few minutes of a bed creaking, Gaius finally came into Merlin's view, looking the same as always; _old_ (well duh, he was like...eighty years old or something!) With white fluffy hair, joints creaking, eyes forever twinkling (unless angry or concerned) and humour that never ran out. Gaius groaned in pain when he pulled the bench out before sitting on it, as Merlin knew that Gaius' back ached when he had to bend down.

"So what do we have to eat today Merlin?"

"We have the usual, _porridge _–here Merlin wrinkled his nose up in distaste -, but when I tested it, I found it to be a little funny tasting... so I gave it some flavouring."

Merlin turned around to collect the two bowls and after apply some special ingredients, swivelled back round to face the table.

"Tuck in. I hope you enjoy it!" Merlin grinned in anticipation of Gaius' reaction and busily set his spoon into the improved porridge.

Gaius looked down into his bowl, where Merlin knew that he would be fascinated by the colours and textures that swirled around in there. The old mentor eyed Merlin beadily, before saying cautiously;

"Is this safe to eat? After all, appearances aren't everything, as you very well know."

Merlin cracked a grin, as he knew that Gaius was referring to 'Dragoon', his old form when he had taken the aging potion, which turned him into an ancient cranky man with the same great humour.

"Of course it's safe! I made it!"

"That's exactly why I'm worry." Gaius muttered. Merlin frowned; the surprise wasn't going at all according to plan.

"Look at me. See I'm eating it and I'm fine!" Again, Merlin gave another grin, as he demonstrated that the porridge was worth eating.

"That doesn't say much." Gaius again muttered, so low that Merlin almost didn't hear it. Then speaking up in a louder volume, Gaius went on "Hmm... I think I will give it a miss. I don't feel very hungry at the moment, but I will pick something up from one of the market stalls when I conduct my rounds in the lower taverns."

Gaius made a hasty retreat as he picked up his medicine bag which was stationed beside the door before waving a quick goodbye to Merlin and disappearing out.

Merlin sighed. He was so looking forward to Gaius eating his amazing concoction, but his mentor had declined, and Merlin knew better then to try and force the physician to eat it, as he was as stubborn as a mule.

"Oh well." He said into the empty room, then shrugging the failure off, picked up his bowl and continued to eat the mixture as he made his way back up to the bedroom, leaving the untouched dish out on the table, which had been covered up with a cloth to keep it fresh.

Merlin quickly got dressed, and before walking out the door to wake up Arthur, he cast one last adoringly glance at his painting in all its 'glory'.

* * *

Come on Lazy Daisy! Up you get."

No answer.

"Wakey wakey... eggs and bakey?"

"Hmm... that doesn't really rhyme Merlin..." He muttered to himself. Still, with no reply.

Merlin yanked the curtains open and position the cloth to fall so concentrated sunshine went directly onto Arthur's grumpy face. Unfortunately, Merlin had not noticed that it was drizzling outside, so there was no sunshine.

"Arthur! Time to get up!"

By now, Gwen had awoken, and seeing Merlin standing there with a calculating look on his face as he debated how to get his master up, seemed to quickly decide to get out of bed and away from the soon to be warzone.

"Merlin, however much I appreciate your skills at getting Arthur up, could you _please_ refrain from spilling water onto the bed? He complained for _ages_ and put you into the stocks again, complete with an enormous pile of chores to do."

"It's your fault you married him!"

"Merlin! I must have you know that underneath, Arthur is a kind, honest, and hardworking man, a king among his people."

Merlin gave Gwen a grin and said in a loud whisper "Fine, fine... I won't get him up with water. But recently, Gaius gave me a new innovation, so I'm going to test it out today. I suggest you stand back so when he's chucking stuff, you don't get caught in the crossfire."

The queen took the manservant's words to heart and proceeded to sit down at the breakfast table, but facing the bed so she could see what Merlin was going to do and also anticipate if any unwarranted projectiles came her way. Merlin turned around to check if she was is position, before taking out Gaius' recent find of how to wake people up from a cloth bag; three fine and extremely fluffy feathers.

Merlin gave a wide smirk. This was going to be _fun._

* * *

Cautiously, Merlin approached the end of Arthur's side of the bed, where he stood there for a few moments, to check if Arthur was really asleep. Once, Merlin had made that mistake, so when he was poised above his 'victim' with a jug of freezing cold water, Arthur's hand had shot up, stopping the jug from its tilt and causing Merlin to be the one soaked.

Seeing that Arthur was in a deep, _deep _sleep, Merlin gave another grin, but with more wickedness behind it. He couldn't wait for Arthur's reaction, even though he would probably pay for it later. He quickly moved to the head of the bed and took hold of the goblet.

As he moved away, his sleeve caught on the fruit bowl, and agonisingly slowly, it tipped and all of the fruit came out. An apple tipped tantalisingly close to the edge, where it stooped along with a pear. Merlin sighed in relief, before starting to put all the fruit back in the bowl, but as he put three oranges in, his sleeve once again caught on something once again, and looking down, Merlin was just in time to see the apple and pear falling onto the floor.

Quickly, he stepped forward, calculating it so the apple would land on his foot and then onto the floor, softening the sound as much as possible, seeing as with his rubbish co-ordination skills, he couldn't catch the fruit in time.

Still holding the goblet, Merlin set it carefully underneath the bed – although how there was a gap there, Merlin didn't know, as Arthur was pretty heavy-, before stepping backwards towards the end of the bed.

Pattering his pocket to check if it was still there, Merlin looked down to see Arthur's royal feet sticking out from underneath the covers. Her always slept like that and it was often the point of torture for the king.

Sticking his tongue out in concentration, Merlin gently extracted his feather from said pocket and carefully fluffed up the feathers even more, before starting to wake Arthur up.

Slowly, slowly, Merlin gently moved the feather down, so it was resting on Arthur's feet. He froze in horror when Arthur let out a huge snort as the feathers came into contact with his skin. Unfreezing when Arthur didn't do anything else, he proceeded.

* * *

He started to rotate his wrist, so the feathers moved slightly up and down the sole of the foot. Again, Arthur grunted, but seeing as he now had started, Merlin once more focused on his task, not wanting to get kicked in the face.

Vigorously he moved the feather more and more, letting it annoy the whole of the two feet, who were conveniently stuck together. Luckily, Merlin's attention was on the calve muscles, ready to spring out of the way. The calves twitched, and in that instant, Merlin dived out the way, the foot narrowly missing his head as it kicked out.

Behind him, he could hear Gwen chortling and when he turned around, he could see her eyes dancing as she looked on at the spectacle.

After there was no movement, Merlin poked his head up over the bed and seeing that Arthur's eyes were still closed, he stood back up and the site that he saw made him grin.

When Arthur had unconsciously kicked to get rid of the nuisance, he had pushed the covers further up, so now his knee was exposed as well.

Out rightly laughing now, not caring if Arthur subconsciously heard it, Merlin separated the feathers so he could tickle the two spots at once; the knee and the foot.

Finally, after an exhausting few minutes of continuous tickling and the dodging of Arthur's feet, Arthur finally opened his eyes (after much groaning), and immediately reached for the goblet, which wasn't there. Consequently, he over stretched and because his brain (if he had one at all, which Merlin doubted) was still asleep, it didn't register the danger. Arthur promptly overbalanced, falling out of the massive four posters 'king' sized bed.

Merlin burst out with laughter as he backed up to the table, where he heard Gwen snorting with laughter, trying to keep her composition. But when he saw Arthur's face, he hurriedly tried to keep his face neutral, with no success.

* * *

"There's a good boy!" Merlin said it patronisingly and the annoyance on the King's face finally made Gwen crack.

"Stop laughing at me!" Arthur snapped, trying – and failing- to stop the two present bodies from laughing hysterically at him.

"Gwen? Why are you laughing? It's not that funny!" Arthur said indignantly, causing Guinevere to laugh even more and when she spoke, the words were punctuating with her laughter.

"Arthur! (snort) you're face (giggles! It's... Take a look for yourself!"

Merlin casted Gwen a desperate glance, but Arthur, frowning in confusion had already stomped over to the looking glass. He looked at the image in anger, before turning around to face Merlin. For on Arthur's face were the sticky remains of the pear and apple that had fallen earlier (when Merlin stopped the descent with his foot, he had forgotten that he had new boots).

Taking one look at Arthur's angry face, Merlin did a runner, deciding to come back to receive his duties when Arthur had calmed down.

* * *

Merlin weaved past all the servants as he ran down the various halls, with all the servants and residents looking on, sometimes in amusement, sometimes in horror and disgust, all knowing that he was running away from the King.

He only stopped when he ran into Percival on the corridor heading back to the physician's room. Literally; He ran head first into the muscular giant, who was walking alone down the corridor, seemingly coming from his rooms and looking deep in thought.

"Sorry! Sorry! Must dash, the prat – sorry King- is after me!"

"Again?" Percival's deep but gentle voice sounded, causing Merlin to look upwards in shock.

"Oh, hello Percy. Anyway I have to go as Arthur's going to have my head and-"

"Relax, I'll look after you, whilst you get your breathe back."

"Thanks."

Merlin paused as he bent double trying to regain and looked up at the gentle knight, who was once again looking troubled as he gazed ahead into the distance.

"Are you alright?"

Percival looked in shock at Merlin, as he had forgotten that Merlin was there.

"I-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Merlin looked at Percival in concern as he said this, as knew how it felt when people pressed you for answers that you didn't want to give, as they were too private.

"I-I was thinking about my family."

Silence ensured after that statement as Merlin looked at Percival in shock. He had never really considered Percy to be a family man, even though he was kind hearted and definitely gentle enough.

Oblivious however, to Merlin's astonishment, Percy continued, as if this was the first time he had told someone in quite some time.

"My sister... she –"

But what Percival was going to tell him, Merlin never knew for at that moment, Arthur came storming down the corridors, with his awful timing, as per usual. Merlin had been so caught up in Percival that he had forgotten how he had met him.

* * *

Percival stepped in front of the manservant as Arthur walked directly towards them, with his Royal robes on and his face clean. Thankfully, as Percival was so tall, he made a very good human shield, which Merlin had often used in the past.

"Stop hiding behind Percival and face me like a man, Merlin."

Merlin stuck his head to the side, and considered the option before saying loudly,

"Nope, I don't want to die."

Everybody present in the area stopped what they were doing and looked towards the commotion, knowing that chaos and insults were soon going to insure.

"We all know that you're a coward, but hiding behind someone else? That is an all time low."

Merlin looked angrily at Arthur for a second then;

"Is it my fault what happened? I didn't _force_ you into it. You did it of your own accord!"

Arthur growled menacingly.

"I will give you five seconds for you to apologise and do what I say, otherwise the punishment will be... most severe."

"That offer is very inviting, but I think I will decline." Merlin retaliated.

"Very well, so be it. Percival get out of the way."

The knight stopped laughing and looking with a straight face said "Sire, we all know that you are a just king, who always stands up for what they believe in."

Arthur looked confused at Percival, as he continued, while Merlin started to smile as he slowly backed away, keeping Percy in front of him so Arthur couldn't see him retreating.

"You taught me that we should always protect our allies, and do what's right. Well, I'm protecting my friend, from those that may cause him harm, just like you preach."

At the end, Percival broke into a huge grin when he saw Arthur's angry face.

"Are you disobeying my orders?"

"No... I'm simply stating my own opinion. You also said that we have one of those too." Percival quipped, and barely able to stop his laughter, Merlin started to sprint down the corridor to a safe haven, thankful that Percival had decided to take his side and slow Arthur down.

* * *

Merlin collapsed on his bed in relief as he managed to make it home. Slowly, he got his breathe back, before gazing into the centre of the room. After seeing Arthur's reaction, Merlin decided that he would lie low for a while and help Gaius, as it looked as if Arthur wouldn't be sensible for quite some time.

Grinning, he let his eyes fall on the painting that he had been working on for the last two days (was it really so short a time). Merlin gazed at it, caught in the warm dark brown eyes that looked out that seemed to rest on him. Earlier that morning, he had finally completed the painting; and it was exactly like how he remembered them...

* * *

**Right. Down to question answering then.**

**SwimmerGirl0726 (and k9cool) – I love Gwaine too and so I'm not planning to kill him off, but you never know...**

**To all of you who asked – By reveal fic, do you mean about the magic? Cos seriously, Arthur is cannot always be blind and THAT dumb (I don't think anyway) about Merlin. So yes, I think it will turn out to be a reveal or magic. But he (Arthur) probably won't be the first to find out...**

**By the way, I'm loving all of your ideas about who is in the painting (it is more then one person in case you didn't guess)**

**Please review as always (My message is never to going to change, not really)**


	11. The Names of the Operations

**Sorry! I crashed the other day, as my weird habit of surviving on like, six hours a day (and still be chirpy the next morning), and I basically slept from 9 till half 7, which meant I couldn't write much.**

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 11 – The Names of The Operations

Arthur's POV

"Well done dear. You did very well."

"I-Thanks."

There was silence for a few moments in the royal chambers, before Arthur said angrily;

"Can you _please_ get this disgusting mush of my face? It's beginning to drip down -and under- my shirt!"

"Of course, my King." Guinevere smiled at him, and Arthur once again reflected on how lucky he was to have such a beautiful and kind wife.

"I love you, you know." He said as she gently, gently wiped his face with a cloth.

"Of course you do, that's why you did my suggestion, although I did think that you were going to put it in action tomorrow."

"It was not your suggestion! And no, I was planning to execute it today." Arthur said indignantly. Gwen frowned before continuing on as if nothing had happened.

"If you say so, although I think we both know that isn't true."

"Yes it is!" Arthur shot back once more. For his _completely_ true statement, he managed to get a cloth in the face, which his wife 'lovingly' smeared all around his face, much like what he had done to his idiotic manservant, all those years ago.

"Hey! I was planning to sleep in this shirt tonight!

"Who said you needed a shirt?" Gwen said in a suggesting tone, smiling at Arthur and somehow managing to look sexy, even though she was in her nightgown. Her very revealing nightgown...

"Stop trying to distract me!"

"Then take it back and this will _all_ end."

"Never!" Arthur said defiantly, not for one moment intending to give into a _girl, _even if it was his wife and other half of his soul. He did have his pride and reputation to keep, after all.

Once again, Gwen dipped her cloth in the water, but this time she squeezed it on top of his head, so the water dribbled with slow intensity down both sides.

"I always thought that Merlin was the mean one, but it seems that you are _much_ worse!"

"I take pleasure in it, dear. Now, do you admit that it was all my idea?"

"Not for one minute." Arthur retorted.

"Then I am so, _so_ sorry."

The way Guinevere said it made Arthur shiver, the intensity and sorrow in her voice believable, making Arthur wonder what she was going to do to him.

* * *

Gwen walked over to the head of bed, where she found a small, square pillow, which she often used to bop Arthur over the head with when they were in bed. She fiddled with it for a moment, although the way she positioned herself meant that Arthur couldn't see what she was doing.

A few moments later, she walked back over to Arthur, her hands clasped out in front of her. Arthur glanced over to the bed, and when he swivelled back, he found his queen right in front of him. _Right _in front of him.

She lovingly extended her thumb and placed in on the corner of Arthur's mouth, where she slowly wiped before flicking the piece of pear away.

"Remind me again, who was it who came up with the idea?" His queen said sweetly.

"Uh-" For a second, Arthur's marvellous brain overloaded, because Gwen was so close and he couldn't think because her fabulous beauty distracted him. Then he remembered what he had to say and opened his mouth, saying;

"Me? I came up with the plan!"

"I warned you Arthur." Gwen sighed seemingly unhappy, before fiddling with something on her dressing gown that had been sticking out.

With dawning realisation, Arthur glanced back towards the bed; the small head pillow had gone.

He turned quickly back around and opened his mouth; just in time to see Gwen smiling evilly before she wacked the pillow over his head.

Feathers flew out of the small rips she had made, and they all floated down, until they reached a surface. Seeing that Arthur was completely sodden, they all stuck to him, making his handsome looks disappear, and instead looking like a walking pillow.

"Don't you look handsome?" Gwen teased, then seeing Arthur's pleading face, stopped shaking the pillow.

"How am I supposed to go out and do my kingly duties looking like a walking scarecrow?"

"The children will love it, I'm sure." Gwen replied, on purpose referring to the Lower town duties he had today.

"Will you help me get all of this off? I need to get Merlin in payback before I even start today's duties!"

"If you tell the truth."

"I _am_ telling the truth!"

"Then you can stay like that all day." Gwen sashayed over to the breakfast table, where she delicately poured herself a drink.

Arthur debated with himself for a few seconds, before saying quietly;

"Fine, fine. I didn't _completely _come up with the plan."

"What was that dear? I didn't quite catch that." Gwen asked her back to Arthur.

"_You_ came up with the plan and I helped." Arthur sighed in defeat. "But yes, I was supposed to stay in bed today, it was all part of the idea."

"So it's not that you overslept and were meaning to put it in place tomorrow?"

"Of course not! I had _always _meant for it so be put in action today."

"Then well done, as you even managed to convince me."

"I _am _a good actor after all."

"Those snores you gave were unbelievably realistic."

"Snores? Oh yes, my snores and snorts that I gave."

Gwen walked back over to Arthur and took his hand. "Let's get those feathers off shall we?"

* * *

Thankfully, it only took a few minutes to take of his soaked clothes and to put on fresh, clean and above all, kingly clothes. Arthur strode to the edge of the chamber and he looked at himself in the looking glass before exiting the front door.

"Remember, he might not be where you think he is, Arthur." Gwen looked at him from the vanity table, where she was busily doing her hair.

"It's fine; I had put a safeguard in case of that happening."

"Then please don't be too harsh on him, after all, he _has_ been in a hard time, one which he went though alone, without us."

Arthur nodded his consent before going out the door. His cloak billowed behind him, vaguely giving the impression of the king being on fire, although that was a ridiculous notion.

He turned the corner, where he saw Merlin talking to one of his knights. Perfect. They had got here in time then.

"Stop hiding behind Percival and face me like a man, Merlin."

* * *

"... I'm simply stating my own opinion. You also said that we have one of those too." Percival quipped, and barely able to hold in his laughter, it seemed to the King.

"Yes, yes, I believe in all of that. However..."

"There are _no_ exceptions to the rule. That's what you said, if I remember correctly, so why should Merlin be any different?"

"You _know_ why Merlin is different, Percival. Now let me through"

"Hmm..." There was silence for a few moments, with Arthur shaking in anticipation and slight rage, hoping feverishly that Percival would get out of his way.

Eventually, Percival replied, after many minutes of "Hmm" and "Well".

"I think... I will _not_ let you through."

"Seriously Percival? Remember who you serve!"

"I do. That's why I'm doing this."

"You are going directly against my orders. A true soldier would never do this!"

"A true solider would never leave their comrade to the enemy!"

"Merlin has to you!"

"Well, I'm better at defending myself then he is."

"Percival!" Arthur nearly screamed in frustration, until he remembered that it wasn't kingly and there were other people in this corridor, watching the king get beaten by his manservant and co. Again.

"Yes Sire?" Percival enquired calmly, as if they were not standing in the corridors being insolent.

"_Please_ can you just get out of my way?"

"Of course sire. All you had to do was show your delightful manners."

With that passing comment, Percival strode away from Arthur back down the corridors. Arthur slumped slightly in defeat; By now Merlin would had reached the Physician's chambers, and Gaius would defend him from anyone who came calling, especially since the disastrous conversation that had happened.

He stood there in the corridor silent for a few seconds. Then turning back the way he came, he decided to call another meeting.

* * *

"Men! This is now getting serious. We have tried two out of the plans that were suggested and both failed."

"Miserably." Gwaine added, although it didn't seem to be compatible with his usual level of enthusiasm.

"As much as I hate to say it, Gwaine is right. We were defeated, albeit graciously, by Gaius, who is an old man-"

"Who is still extremely scary, fearsome and not to be underestimated." Someone said quietly and it sounded _a lot _like Sir Leon, but when Arthur glanced over to the said knight, he was looking at the supreme leader with a concentrating expression on his face.

"Anyway, talking with Gaius didn't work, as he unfortunately didn't yield any answers, however hard we tried and persuaded."

Arthur was coincidently looking at Gwaine at this point, as he had a habit of when he was speechmaking, glancing around at his audience. Gwaine had reacted rather strangely to the last sentence; he had shaken his head and had had opened his mouth in contradiction, but then he shook his head again and seemingly deciding against it.

"So that is Plan Number One; Operation-"

"Put-Gaius-Under-Questioning-And-Hope-That-He-Answ ers-Simply." Gwaine interrupted, managing to say it in all one breath.

"Actually, it isn't called that it's called Operation-"

"Put-Gaius-Under-Questioning-And-Hope-That-He-Answ ers-Simply." Gwaine interrupted again. "Yes Princess, we have worked that one out. It isn't _hard_ or anything. Or at least, for the people who _have_ a brain, which looking around here isn't admittedly many."

Arthur opened his mouth to say the _real_ name which he had came up with all by himself, but seeing this action, Leon intervened;

"There's no point, Sire. We've all tried already and he simply won't drop it."

Arthur conceded, so consequently went quickly on with the agenda, before Gwaine could realise that he had won against the royal.

"Plan Number Two; Operation-"

"Arthur-Sleeps-In-On-Purpose-And-Merlin-Wakes-Him- Up-Nosily-So-Merlin-Runs-Away-  
And-Knight-Intercepts-And-Talks-To-Merlin." Gwaine intercepted, again managing to say it in one breath, though how he managed, Arthur had no idea seeing as it was considerably long.

Arthur groaned and looking around the room, Leon shook his head in sympathy. It looked as if that was _that_ name gone as well. Elyan seemed to be looking confused, but Arthur decided to ask him later, as at this rate, Merlin would go and search for him and realise they were doing something behind his back.

"Fine. Whatever. Anyway, I put in place Plan Number Two-"

"But Sire!" Leon interrupted, not being able to help it. Then realising that he had just stopped his king in mid flow, said "Sorry your majesty, I didn't mean to-"

"No worry, Sir Leon. Please" Arthur gestured, "go ahead with what you were about to say."

"Sorry Sire," Leon apologised once again, "But were we not going to implement that plan tomorrow?"

"Things change, Sir Leon." Arthur replied promptly.

"So it's not that you actually slept in today?" Gwaine questioned a knowing grin on his face.

"You think that _I_ would run a plan at the incorrect time? That is a preposterous idea!"

"This is why it is so true. It's in your nature Princess!" Gwaine said, cheering up a little bit now that he was taking part in his favourite past time...well second favourite past time anyway; Annoying Arthur.

"Whether you believe it or not," here Arthur glared at Gwaine to make his point before continuing, "It _did_ happen and-. Now what?" Arthur complained, looking at Elyan who had interrupted with a cough, the confused expression more prominent.

"But I wasn't there, Arthur."

"There for what Elyan?" After this sentence, Elyan looked at Arthur like he was extremely stupid, with the rest of the knights joining in, all with puzzled looks on their faces.

"I wasn't there at the time, as I thought it was taking place tomorrow."

"Just talk straight man! What are you talking about Sir Elyan?"

Once again, Elyan looked at Arthur as though he was extremely stupid with the rest of the knights looking on in various states of confuzzelment.

"I mean that all of us knights got together and decided who was to hold up Merlin until you came. I didn't hear the signal of you shouting at the top of your lungs saying Merlin, so I wasn't there to stop Merlin from making his getaway."

"So _you_ were the elective?"

"Uh-that's right, as that _is_ what I just said."

"Which reminds me; where is Percival? I called all the knights together and the boy I sent said that he acknowledged the message."

"I don't know" rang around the room, the various knights chipping in, although they didn't quite get the abrupt subject change.

"Anyway, back to the matter in hand. I wasn't there Arthur, so no one could have stopped Merlin."

"But someone did."

"Who, then Sire, if it wasn't me?" Elyan questioned. He searched around the room, where each knight shook their heads in reply to his silent thought.

"Percival held him up according to plan, which made me think that he was the knight; At least until he started to argue back, letting Merlin escape."

"Percival?" His brother in law looked at him in surprise; "Percival didn't want _anything_ to do with this plan; you know how strange he has been acting lately."

"Then what on _earth_ was he doing there?"

* * *

**So did you like it? I promise that you will find out who is in the painting in probably the next chapter, but not yet.**

**I'm playing in the Royal Albert Hall on Monday, with rehearsals on Saturday and Sunday, so I won't be writing from then until Tuesday, which is when I will arrive back in Wales.**

**Keep on reviewing, and your thoughts on what's to come are really amusing me (along with I admit, giving me a few ideas.)**


	12. The Ghosts of Merlin's Past

**Thank you for all of you people who so patiently waited (one whole week)! Playing at the Royal Albert hall was **_**amazing.**_** We played Prompt and Circumstance (Land of Hope and Glory) and at the end when everybody was singing, the fireworks went off! **

**This chapter is dedicated to YOU!**

**P.S. I have something important to tell you at the bottom regarding this chapter. And now... the great reveal!**

* * *

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 12- The Ghosts of Merlin's Past

Gwaine's POV

After what Gaius had told him and what he knew of Merlin, Gwaine was pretty sure that the knight's plan was not going to work, simply because it was _Merlin_.

From what Gwaine had always thought of Merlin and what he now knew, it was pretty obvious that Merlin was good at keeping secrets and his mouth thin lipped. If anything, the knights asking and trying to force the secrets out of him will just make him all the more determinedly quite.

So hypothetically, _if_ someone wished to know more about their friend, instead of making them spill knowledge that should never be burden on one soul, they should be the one that sticks by them, defend them and hold their interests at heart, as a good friend does. Hypothetically of course, they would probably hold a much better chance after they have shared some of their own mistakes that no one else knows then to claim that they are true and pure in the light.

Obviously, this was _all_ hypothetical; it wasn't as if _Gwaine_ would try it. Oh no.

Since having the 'talk (s)' – and _no_ it wasn't like that – with the old physician, Gwaine had always planned for more, even keeping a list albeit in a completely random order –yes, despite popular belief, he _could_ read and write- which went something like this;

How did Merlin and Lancelot retrieve the Cup of Life?

How did Merlin survive the encounter with the Dorocha?

How did Merlin always know that Morgana was evil?

How many times has he stood against Public Enemy Number One? –Morgana-

How many times have Merlin stood against the enemies alone?

What happened when Merlin was 'taken' by the bandits?

Was Public Enemy Number One involved? (see 6 and 4)

How did he know about Aggravaine and his link to P.E.N.O? (see 4)

What _really_ happened with the Lamia?

What about all the things that happened within Camelot's walls?

What about everything else that he didn't know about?

Gwaine thought through his list as he strode purposefully towards the physician's chambers. It was some time after mid-day, where he had left the meeting some time ago that Arthur had called. The new information that had been bequeathed had barely had enough room to move in his head, crowded as it was by all the extra information that he had to seek out and found through the manservant's mentor.

But he shoved it aside for later, as he had just reached the door. He knocked tentatively but there was no reply. Once more he knocked, twice, thrice, still no reply. He waited for a few seconds, then casting a glance around the corridor which he found empty –making him seem like he was up to no good but in reality it was just to check if Merlin wasn't suddenly behind him or something like that- knocked once more on the door and went in, closing the door softly behind him.

* * *

The room was empty -if you could call it that, even though it was stacked with various medical items, herbs and the occasional plate- of occupants. Gwaine cautiously walked into the middle of the room, suddenly unsure if he should be there alone.

There had always been _someone_ pottering around the room, making it seem safe that he should be there. Consequently, as the inhabitants had gone off wondering, Gwaine wondered if it was _safe._ After all, there were probably a hundred different ways to kill someone by all of the substances heaped in the jars that varied in size, or at least make their life a misery. In fact, Gwaine swore to himself after having that alarming thought; He will _never_ cross Gaius again. _He_ didn't want warts, or spots, or indigestion or... He trailed off, as each image that presented them was worse than the last, and the first was bad indeed.

Looking around, he noticed that on the wooden table, there was a sheet of paper, which looking closer, revealed to be a letter written from Gaius to Merlin;

_Merlin_

_I'm sorry m'boy for being late again, but the owner of The Rising Sun's daughter has just gone into labour. I shall be back hopefully soon. I have left some coins for you to buy your lunch(DON'T spend it at the tavern!) and I know that you will be kept busy as Arthur will be paying you back for the antics you performed earlier today._

_Gaius_

Gwaine realised that the note must had been written a while ago, or Merlin had already been and gone, for the coins that Gaius had mentioned were not on the table and the note was almost sliding off, suggesting that when Merlin had accidently moved it in his accident prone way.

But 'Don't spend it at the tavern' was the thing that worried Gwaine most. Merlin _never_ went to the tavern, or when he did, it was with Arthur in tow, which meant he wouldn't get drunk, for fear of being made to do extra chores. So what on earth did Gaius mean? The only other time Merlin went was when he had –well not really, it was a friend thing to do- to collect the knights –hem, hem –Percival and Gwaine-sorry, tickle in his throat- and bring them back home 'safely', although how Merlin did that Gwaine had no idea, as from reports they always got pretty rowdy and one slightly undersized man wouldn't be able to stop them.

Gwaine shook his head to get rid of that disturbing thought and tried to get back to the most important one. So... if the note _had_ been written several hours ago, then Gaius should be back soon. Therefore, Gwaine decided to wait and settling back in the chair, leaning back slightly, he waited.

* * *

After a _really_ long time, Gwaine grew bored and started to aimlessly let his eyes wonder around the room. Suddenly, he saw gold eyes flashing from the corner of his eye and yelping, quickly flung his body onto the floor. Several seconds passed which no mysterious events (attacks) happened, so cautiously; Gwaine looked full on from where the spectacle had come from. It was Merlin's room.

Gwaine recalled when they (the knights and Arthur) had attempted to question Gaius and tried to interrogate him. When he had walked past the room, he had seen Golden eyes too. It had also been from Merlin's room... Was Merlin knowingly harbouring a Sorcerer?

Again, Gwaine immediately dismissed the accusation; Merlin had been fighting against _Morgana_, who _wanted_ magic to be free. It was highly unlikely he would be conspiring with one of magic, even if they were apparently all 'evil' which Gwaine didn't believe in.

Maybe they were why Merlin had been acting strangely? They had magiced him or something, he was possessed?

If Merlin was in trouble, Gwaine was determined to help him, so he decided to act. As he was still on the floor, he rolled onto his stomach and stealthy approached the hostile room, making sure to keep his head up every now and then to see if any more mysterious eyes came his way.

He finally reached the steps that led up to his friend's room and taking a breather, tried to scout his way up by noting all the obstacles (clothes and pointy nails) that will be in his way. After ten seconds, he had regained control of his breathing and proceeded, but this time walking up the stairs, as it was impossible to army crawl upwards.

Gwaine reached the top of the stairs extremely quickly, as after the first two stairs creaked, he reckoned that _if_ there was a magical person in the room, they might have already of suspected someone coming, so he had lost the element of surprise.

Readying himself, he flung open the wooden door and gasped...

* * *

Gwaine was mesmerised, there was simply no other words for it. For right in front of him was a beautiful painting, full of colour and feeling and _life._ He had indeed found the culprit for the gold that glowed, for in the centre, two eyes were set, whose iris gleamed a consistent...beauty and charm. Even though Camelot hated magic users, the gold was _beauty_ in itself, as they gleamed with power, with knowledge... and with sadness.

Even though he let his eyes rove over the page as they were determined to drink in all of the art, his eyes always came back to the slim figure in the middle, but not before he recognised a few people who were on there.

A man in the top right hand corner looked out, his face in a smile, that managed to be happy and sad at once, with a tiny bit of pride and peace. It was Lancelot, in all of his glory. The detail was exquisite, with his locks curling, but his fringe with that little flick which he always had (and sometimes made Gwaine feel envious). Lancelot seemed to be looking at something to the left of him, but over there was the Lady and...

Gwaine stopped and looked, with eyes that_ might_ be watering. He recognised the two people who stood there in a lover's embrace, their hands on their swords as they looked out, small smirks playing on their lips. It was Tristan and Isolde; the happiness absolute as they were together for eternity, even though one had passed away as she gave her life for Gwaine's king and country and Gwaine thought that for once in their life, they looked peaceful. Ready in case there was a fight yes, but peaceful all the same.

The top of their background faded, with a grizzled old man taking their place, with salt and pepper hair and a lot of clothes on. He looked out with pride, and completeness, which Gwaine wondered at; perhaps this was Merlin's father? But he stopped that thought, for like him, Merlin said that he never knew his father.

Underneath Lancelot, another man was there, grinning out at the world and facing in with joy in his eyes and cheek in his mouth. He had soft brown hair that was straightish and flowed. Gwaine had no idea who this was; but before he would press the point, his eyes returned to the centre figure, which everyone else seemed to be revolved around.

It was a woman, leaning against a wall and looking out. She was indeed alluring, with soft dark brown flowing locks that reached down to just below her shoulders. Her eyes were a soft, melting dark brown, which radiated sadness and a pure, undying love with happiness. She was wearing a red flowing dress, which seemed to be like the ones that Morgana used to wear when she was still a Lady of Camelot.

But even though her dress might have been a high standard, she had dirt and grime all over her face and body, but it did not distinguish her looks, instead it did quite the opposite; the brown highlighted the creamy milky skin that was so pure.

The artistic skill was so amazing, Gwaine for a moment wondered if Merlin had bought it, until his eyes set upon Lancelot and the two Smugglers and then he knew; Merlin _had_ painted it, and all the people were important and precious.

Gwaine drank all of it in; missing the bell that signalled lunch, not moving one bit, simply, staring_. _

* * *

He only moved when with some alarm, he heard Gaius and Merlin's voice floating from outside the window and hastily making his way out of the room, managed to shut the door and bound back down to sit at the table by the time the couple had reached the entrance. Managing to knock over a jar on the way, Gwaine quickly worked to school his expression to one of innocence when they walked in.

Both of them reacted with surprise, when they walked in and found Gwaine sitting on the table.

"Gwaine? What are you doing here?"

"Ah, I was waiting for Gaius, as I need some of his help Merlin." Gwaine grinned at Merlin, who gave a sigh of relief, which Gwaine found curious but quickly dismissed it.

"You need my help Sir Gwaine? How long have you been waiting for me?"

"Uh... not that long, I think. I kept myself occupied as I walked around the chambers and dreamt up ways to prank Arthur and the knights. I have some good ideas in fact..."

Contrary to what Gwaine would have thought Merlin's normal reaction would be, he gave a fleeting frown, looking worriedly over towards his bedroom door, which Gwaine realised that he hadn't shut probably. Realising that Gwaine was watching him, Merlin quickly grinned convincingly, saying exasperatedly;

"Again Gwaine? He's still angry for the one I pulled of today, so best let it off for a while."

"Nonsense!"

"Sir Gwaine, is whatever you wanted serious? Or did you simply want to see Merlin and draft him in with your ridiculous ploy?"

"Well, it was about my recent... condition, but I think I'll come back later."

"I think that would be best." Gaius said meaningfully and slightly patronising at the same time, but Gwaine continued with what he was saying anyway.

"Anyway, Merlin, here was my plan..."

Gwaine told them of his plan, with Merlin nodding every now and again in agreement and Gaius simply standing there, before interrupting;

"_Gwaine_." Gaius warned, and taking one look at the old physician, Gwaine practically ran out of the room, but not before he looked back, seeing Merlin going to his room in agitation.

* * *

**Was it good, bad? Disappointing, Shocking?**

**Now, you might have noticed that I have changed my picture thingie, and if you click on it, you will see it's got all of the people I mentioned in it. I made it myself using Fireworks, but mine has its own personality and it likes to change colours half way through and go off and do its own thing (often scribbling all over my 'art').**

**So, to remedy, I challenge ALL OF YOU, to create your own, and send it to me (I assume you can do that, but if not, PM a link and I'll look at it). It is clear that your art will be a lot better than mine, and the ones I like I will display for me, this story and MGATWYSBV.**

**Please review and I don't mind if it's bad, as I will then change the description, to make it better and more 'magical'.**

**Adios amigos!**


	13. Symbolise

**Surprise! I'm back after five days (when I look at it now, it doesn't seem so impressive). **

In Memory of the Fallen

Chapter 13 – Symbolise

Merlin's POV

Surprisingly, the chores that Arthur had set for Merlin to complete weren't actually that bad ('bad' for Arthur), if anything, they were the nicer ones as he didn't have to muck out the stables of go into the stocks.

Indeed, the worst thing that Merlin had to do was exercise Arthur's hunting dogs all at once, which meant that he was pulled in several different directions and eventually stripped over the pieces of thin and finely woven rope and sprawled flat on his back.

Unfortunately though, he landed in a massive muddy puddle, causing him to be soaked through with little brown water driblets running through his hair and out of his clothes whenever he moved. Still, he had had to suffer worse; _much_ worse.

He had been made busy by running around the castle and retrieving the linen that was required for the bedchambers for the two visiting nobles, who had some ridiculous name like Lord and Lady Nutter; or maybe it's Lord and Lady Blubber, but still, whatever their names were, it was the servants who had to prepare.

Of course, the Castle Steward and the Events Steward had needed him, but it hadn't taken _too_ long –only one or two hours- and the jobs were fairly easy; carrying messages, sweeping and washing the floor, smartening up the hangings and various tapestries and things like that.

Everyone was determined to make the best possible impression, in the hope of gaining more allies in the seemingly never ceasing war against Morgana and Odin (plus the various war druids and magical beings who didn't like Camelot for _some _reason). So obviously there was more pressure than usual on making everything perfect, with them often repeating the task, twice, maybe three times to refine it.

It had been good to have that one moment of fun.

* * *

When Merlin had exited the Carpenter's shop –where he had been putting the order in for someone to varnish the wardrobe that was going to be used- he found Gaius also exiting a building, but it was the tavern.

Confusedly, Merlin wandered over to his mentor, where he was just in time to hear the tavern owner (of The rising Sun) saying to Gaius;

"-Come back whenever you want; you'll _always_ be welcome here after the contribution you gave."

Gaius smiled in return, before replying;

"Thank you but I think I'll decline on that kind offer."

"Well, it's always open –literally- and we'll keep a chair for you!"

With that, the burly man went back inside; to where Merlin could already hear the din of raucous laughter, clinking glasses and the occasional words, even though it was only early afternoon.

"So..." Merlin said walking over to join his mentor who had began to stride down the street. "You'll always have a free chair at The Rising Sun, will you?"

"I'm happy to hear that you're not deaf Merlin." Gaius replied.

"And somehow _I'm_ always the one who gets blamed for going to the Tavern? You... You hypocrite!"

"Three syllables? I'm impressed!" Gaius deadpanned, somehow managing to misunderstand the accusation.

"Forever welcome after the contribution you gave? So, tell me Gaius, how much did you spend?" Merlin asked his expression and tone totally serious. "What's going to happen next? People saying that you are a rival to Gwaine's record?"

"I _was not_ at the tavern!" Gaius protested as they turned a corner onto a road that would lead them back to their home.

"Uh –huh. You were just walking out of the door for _absolutely_ no reason. I believe you." Merlin said patronising, for once getting the better of Gaius.

"Actually I was there for the birth of-" Gaius protested, but Merlin quickly cut him off, having too much fun now to stop.

"The birth of what, hmm? The birth of a new drinking brotherhood; the birth of a new type of Ale; The birth of a long affair with alcohol?"

Gaius had started to laugh by now, but finally replied, saying;

"No, none of those,"

"Gwaine will be unhappy." Merlin put in helpfully, interrupting Gaius.

"I was there to help Louise give birth. It turned out that it was a good thing I was there, as it was a breached birth;"

"So it would have died without you?" Merlin once again cut in completely serious by adding his Physician knowledge.

"Indeed. You are becoming quite the expert."

"You know me, I try!" Merlin said cheerfully as together they walked into their quarters before stopping in surprise.

"Gwaine, what are you doing here?"

* * *

After Gwaine left, Merlin was still considering the knight's plan. It was devious, it was funny and it was humiliating; all of the things that would easily outwit the target. He was still turning over the possibilities when he went up to his bedroom.

It had shocked him earlier when he had came in and found the door open, as you could see the painting from there, and knowing Gwaine, he would then become curious and look at it. But thankfully, it was only open a smidgeon, but still, Merlin was positive that he had left it closed to prevent accidents.

Next time; Merlin decided, that when he went out, he would make sure he closed the door probably and would put a piece of cloth trapped in it, so it would fall out if anyone apart from the people in the know went in and out without his permission. Perhaps as well, he would place a glamour on the painting, so if someone (like Arthur or Leon –one of the old time knights-) came in, they would not wonder why Balinor, his father was in the picture, seeing as he had only known him for two days and is now considered a traitor.

Thinking of the painting now, it deserved more than having no one's apart from his own eyes drinking it in, but there was no one else here that could...

"Gaius?" Merlin called out suddenly.

"Yes, m'boy?" Gaius asked curiously, as he turned around to look at his ward.

"Do you..." Surprisingly, Merlin was hesitant, but he pushed onwards, as he thought that he needed someone else' opinion so he could improve it. "Do you want to look at what I have been doing?"

Gaius stopped what he had been doing in astonishment and for a moment, Merlin thought he would decline, but then Gaius said enthusiastically;

"Yes, I will."

He walked over to where Merlin was and went ahead of him, leaving Merlin at the bottom of the stairs.

Carefully closing the said door behind him, Merlin turned around and looked at the painting, h_is_ painting.

* * *

"Merlin... this is... this is _amazing_."

"Thank you, Gaius." Merlin said, thrilled to find someone else that like it as well as he.

"Tell me, you know of all of the paintings that people commission?" Gaius questioned, still staring at the painting.

Merlin muttered an affirmative and he continued.

* * *

"All of the paintings that are produced are usually symbolic. Does yours have a special meaning to it to?" Gaius carefully questioned, keeping his tone neutral.

"Well-" Merlin was at a loss for words. _Was _his painting symbolic? The answer to that was; "Yes, I suppose it is."

"How?" Gaius immediately asked, sounding a bit like an overgrown toddler.

"Take William for instance; He represented the steady rock in my early life, always keeping me on the right track. He had never minded that I had magic; indeed he had encouraged me to _use _it, although always for the 'right' reasons."

Merlin stopped and looked at Gaius, unsure if he should say anymore. Gaius nodded for him to continue so breathlessly, Merlin looked to the right.

"Tristan and Isolde; Together they represented teamwork and a will to only serve those who deem themselves worthy. To those who proved themselves to be trusted, they were intensely loyal to them and would be protected with their dying breath. They were clever and smart, making great spies or as they turned out to be; smugglers."

Again, Merlin stopped, looking at Gaius for confirmation to go ahead. He nodded again and said encouragingly,

"Say what you think of all of them Merlin."

"Balinor is... difficult to define; He was never really my father figure, even though he is my father, but I sadly only knew him for two days. He had grown bitter and hard, yet he still treated Arthur and still had kindness about him. He represented power though, with stubbornness and a disregard to people of status. He had been a Dragon Lord after all, yet he still lived in a cave (although admittedly, that was partly because he was being hunted) and treated me like a man, a human, even though he only thought of me as a servant at that particular time."

Again, Merlin stopped, but this time it was only to get his breath back.

"Lancelot was a lot of things; He had been my moral compass, and a great friend who never minded sharing my burden. He was loyal, he was noble, he was selfless, and he was brave. He had been one of the best friends I had ever had, and it is despicable how the rest of Camelot now treat his memory. He deserved more; they _all_ deserved more in their lifetime."

He turned, to see the next thing he would begin to talk about. He was onto the Gold eyes.

* * *

"Well the eyes are pretty obvious-" Merlin started, wanting to miss them out.

"Are they? Of course, they are gold, but I don't _understand_ why they are there, unless they are to represent you?" Gaius left Merlin hanging, needling him to reply. But Merlin didn't want to.

There was of course, a reason as to _why_ the eyes were there, but they were private and, Merlin supposed, deep down, he was afraid that when Gaius found out what they symbolised, he would be disappointed. To have been given encouragement but then have it taken away for representing them, well... it would hurt.

"The eyes, the eyes are gold. In a way, they represent _everyone_, from you and me, to Arthur and Uther; the eyes represent magic. They represent life and death, love and hatred, good and evil, they represent balance, which of course, the Old Religion maintains. They also represent people and creatures; all of the ones who have magic, or have been affected by it. The Druids, the Catha, Unicorns, Dragons –Kiligarrah and Aithusa- the High Priestesses of the Old Religion, all are people who have magic, or who live by it. They represent loss."

"They stand for Morgana and Mordred, don't they?" Gaius' voice was measured, controlled, but Merlin still felt compelled to answer it.

"I based it around them yes." Merlin said slowly, although as he went on, he felt more confident and at the end, didn't care what Gaius thought of him. "The eyes represent all of my choices, whether good or bad, right or wrong. The eyes represent what _could_ have been, if only I was more vigilant, if only I had managed to seek another way, if only I hadn't have listened to _him._

It represents how they could have been good, if I revealed my magic to Morgana and tutored her, to show that she wasn't alone. It represents how I shouldn't of tried to kill Mordred, how I should have respected him, how I should have left him alone. The eyes represent my mistakes, Gaius, and I'm not ashamed to admit it."

Gaius was quiet for a moment.

* * *

"Go on, please." He said quietly, although now Merlin could detect emotion behind it, perhaps sadness, or pity or... It could be a number of things.

"Do I- Do I have to?" Merlin asked, sounding like a little child. Freya was _his _and his alone.

"Not if you don't want to." Gaius said, sounding sympathetic. He moved towards the door, and was just about to go down it when Merlin said brokenly;

"She is Freya."

* * *

The one simple sentence brought hurt and loss and helplessness to Merlin and to his soul. Behind him, he could hear that Gaius had stopped walking, and had turned around and was now facing him, but Merlin didn't care. He didn't care if he was intruding.

He pushed himself onwards as he talked out loud, and after a while, Merlin wasn't sure if Gaius was still there, of if he had disappeared back downstairs. He didn't care, as his voice filled with emotion and at times, he choked on the tears that fell down his face and cascaded to the floor.

"She is Freya, _my_ Freya. She is the only woman I have ever loved fully," although he added silently, even though he had had a crush on Morgana in the beginning, but that soon disappeared when they became friends, "and with my whole heart. She was the most beautiful, perfect thing in all of existence, and she was _mine._ She represents all that is good in the world; Love, life, happiness, joy, friendship. She was all of that to me, and more.

She was my soul mate, my one true companion, and I lost her, _I_ lost her. I couldn't save her. If I am the most powerful Warlock every to walk the earth, if I am Emrys" and here, Merlin let out a sarcastic little laugh, although there was no joy behind it. "How come I couldn't save her? How come I let her _die?"_

The tears were full on now, but Merlin didn't hinder their progress. He savoured them, because it showed that he still _cared_ and he could still love, even after all of the other people who had lost their lives.

I had to take my _true _love, my _soul _mate, to her final resting place. I had taken her to the lake where we were going to elope together. Somewhere with mountains, a few fields, wild flowers, a couple of cows and a lake. And a lake." Merlin added sadly, before continuing. "I held her in my arms as she faded from life, and I gave her funeral.

So to me, she represents life and death, love, happiness, _true_ belonging, a purpose, companionship, laughter, joy, so impossible to do when you are sad. But she never was; she always wanted to _protect_ people, to save them from herself and not to be associated with her. She was courage, passion and my heart. My whole heart.

The whole painting represents the ups and downs of life. They are _me_ and I am _them._ We are one, and I will never forget that."

Merlin reached out with shaky fingers, a teardrop of the end of them and lovingly, he extended his digits and caressed her face, letting the teardrops touch the canvas, where they were enveloped.

"I love you, Freya, my beautiful girl, my Lady of the Lake, with all my heart."

* * *

Merlin stayed up there for the rest of the day, as Arthur had said that when he had finished his chores (which he had) he could have the rest of the day off. He had no need to serve them dinner, for Gwen had decided to cook, as she sometimes did to remind herself of when she was a servant.

He gazed at the painting and retold all of his memories of them, missing Supper, missing sleep. He gazed, and he _honoured._

* * *

**So how was it? You might all think that it was a bit repetitive from Gwaine's, but I thought I should do what **_**Merlin **_** thought about the people, and why he painted them.**

**An important event happened here, which will explain what will occur later (evil laugh) you are going to be **_**so**_** surprised!**

**Remember, create some art people! Try your view of what you think the painting is like and I'll display it (I promise)**

**Please review! (Did you know that we reached 70 reviews? I am so popular!)**

**Until next time!**

**P.S. I'll answer you're questions next time, so if you want anything answered, do it now.**


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